Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

WOW...what do i do?

My husbands ex wife has problems with me but instead of being an adult and talking to me about them she makes problems worse by having their 4 yr old twin boys relay messages to me. How can someone bring in a child to fight their battles for them. I had to change his shirt one day for school the one he had on you could see his hands it was so long....she freaked out because i changed his shirt..so the next time they came to our house he told me "you cant take my clothes off cuz my mommy said so" That was the most hurtful thing ive heard...i dont know what to do...but we have had like 6 more other incidence that have happend with her telling them to tell me things...Does anyone know what to do here????

 
tber22

Asked by tber22 at 8:16 AM on Mar. 3, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 2 (0 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • why would you make a kid wear a shirt that looked sloppy, and didnt fit by rolling the sleeves up just not to hear bs out of the BM?<--- to mom above.
    Poor kid! Yes change the shirt, its a shirt for gods sake! She's probably jealous bc she knows youre a better mother to her kid than she is. Its written in all custody papers that kids cant be go betweens. have your husband tell her that it will be adressed in court if it happens again. a little threat goes a long way...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:06 AM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • well if you want to be a jerk were only she will see it not the kids tell them i love your mommy. but all in all its hard when someone throws there kids into it. you might have to be the one to confront her first and try to be as sweet as pie, do you have the kids alot? and why? cause you can also tell her as much as you love the kids you cant help as much if shes gonna act like this. i made my oldest sd change before school once bm sent her to me/ school with a go go dress on and i could see her underwear even when she was standing mind you sd was 8 and i knew the school would call so i had her change and told bm the school called and asked not to have her wear it again to short and it worked. i wish you all the luck some bm are impossible to work with.
    tabbys4

    Answer by tabbys4 at 8:28 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • Yeah, say Tell your mommy to tell me if she needs to let me know something! Say its ok for your mommy to tell me! But i agree she needs to act like an adult so confront her when you get the kids and they will probly tell you what she said with her thier an just tell her nicely that IT would be better for her to let you know if theres anything perticuliar that she would fill reassured telling you herself
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:32 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • My husband's psycho ex was horrible. She used to tell my step son not to eat anything I cooked because I was trying to poison him.

    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 9:07 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • If the BM has problem with you, then have your husband talk with her. Learning to communicate works both ways, so please don't even try playing the game with her by telling your skids something for them to relay back to her. If you can't talk to her, have your husband talk to her. And why do you feel it's necessary to change the children's clothes because something is too long? Did he pick it out himself and get dressed by himself? Do you think that what he wears is a bad reflection on you? Or maybe you just have different ideas than the BM on what is okay to wear, so you are sending mixed messages to the Skids by saying that the BM's choices are NOT okay, but yours are? IMO, I would say that both parties need to learn to communicate like adults.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:10 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • the reason i changed him was because the sleeves were so long that he could do anything with his hands. He had to keep pulling them up. I would never do anything against her if it wasnt a problem. im not that kind of person.
    tber22

    Answer by tber22 at 9:21 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • I go through this with my ex and his new girlfriend . My twins live with their daddy but I get them everyother weekend . They come back saying you can't do this to me or something in that line . They are 8 years old ! I also think they are at the age where they are playing us both .
    katherine4

    Answer by katherine4 at 9:41 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • I'm just wondering why you didn't just roll the sleeves up?

    Talk to her or have your husband talk to her. Go to court and get it in the court orders that the kids cannot be used as go-betweens. (it can be done, I have a family member who did it) Then when she does it again, you can file contempt charges against her. Enough of that, and she will be charged, punished and it might click.

    Do not use the kids to send messages back to her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:46 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • "Go to court and get it in the court orders that the kids cannot be used as go-betweens. (it can be done, I have a family member who did it) Then when she does it again, you can file contempt charges against her. Enough of that, and she will be charged, punished and it might click."

    Yes, you can get this added to a parenting plan (and should be standard), but no, it's not likely the court will find her in contempt, but will tell you BOTH to learn to communicate and act like the adults you are.  A good court that actually keeps the child's interest at heart will not let the parents file contempt unless it's for something SERIOUS.  Acting like kids it not serious, just stupid.  So both parents would be hand-slapped for not acting like adults and both would have to pay their own legal fees, unless the court felt that one party was being d
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:00 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • cont...was being deliberately stupid, then the Court would have the filing party pay both parties attorneys fees. Here's some advice - MEDIATION. It helps both sides learn to communicate and get their issues out in the open, making for a much healthier relationship for the kids to grow up in.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:02 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN