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How do I get my almost seven year old to talk to me?

My son is alomost seven. His dad and I split when he was four. We are both about to get remarried. My son lives with his me and his step dad and sees his dad and step mom on the weekends. My son is very attacted to me and according to my ex talks alot about me and his step dad when he is with him.
Me and his step dad take care of him when he is sick, which is alot due to his reactive Hyperglcemia. My ex has his hands full with work and a new baby on the way. My son has said and shown that he is happy about having a new little brother, but has since become cold toword his step mom and no one eles. When asked by them he said that he wanted her to go away so that his dad and I would get back together but he has not changed the loving way he deals with his step dad. We have all tried to talk to him as a group, just his dad and I, and one on one but all he says is he has alot in his head. How do I get him to talk to me?

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:48 AM on Mar. 3, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (3)
  • I don't really think you can MAKE him talk to you. All you can really do is tell him you are there to listen if he wants to talk about what's in his head. I think that maybe the reason he is treating her different is b/c he is afraid she will treat him differently once she has the baby. Kind of how kids get jealous when they find out mom and dad are having another baby, worrrying they will love the new baby more, only with him, he's truly concerned b/c he knows this new baby will be her baby, and he's not. If he's almost 7, then he's in school, so maybe someone at school has said how their stepmom or stepdad has treated them differently since they had a baby. I'm also thinking that maybe he's afraid dad will change, since they aren't close, and he doesn't want to treat dad differently for fear of losing what relationship he does have with him. I'd just keep letting him know you're there if he wants to talk.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 9:53 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • I can ask my daughter all kinds of questions and she says nothing but when we go on walks she never stops talking. I find that when we are side by side and focused on something else she will talk. we will go for a walk or hike and I hear about everyone at school. Its not intimidating to talk when you are engaged in another activity and not face to face.

    Answer by ria7 at 10:01 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • Maybe he needs someone neutral to bounce things off of. Like a counselor or something. We did this with my SS just recently. He is having a lot of problems with his mother. He adores her boyfriend, but openly admits if he didn't have to go to see her, he wouldn't. I have also heard that at the age of 8, or right around there, a child's brainwave pattern changes so it functions more as an adult brain and less as a child's brain. I have no idea if that is medically accurate, but that is what I had heard. So he may be starting to process things in a different way now and he may be having a hard time with it. Tropicalmama makes some really good points. My SS got told by BM that I wouldn't love him as much after my and DH's baby came. He was really concerned for a while,. but when the baby came and he didn't feel blown off,. he was right back to his normal self.

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 10:14 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

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