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how should i handle my in-law?

my husband and son and i recently moved into out of his grandfather's house, where we lived for two years. we have four roommates, three men in their 20s and one of the guys' girlfriend. i went to high school with them and we all get along great, they love my son and help out quite a bit. well my husband's grandfather keeps hinting that he wants to come over after we're all squared away...i'm not sure if i want him over! when we were living with him he was kind of a jerk, always criticizing everything i did with my son and even criticizing me as a wife! his grandfather told his mother that he was going to go over and have a 'talk' with our roommates about how they should behave when his grandson is living there and see if anything is going on between me and the roommates! i found this out because my husband's aunt warned me! i don't know what to do, i don't want to be rude, but i don't want an interrogation at my house!

 
metalhealthmama

Asked by metalhealthmama at 10:12 AM on Mar. 3, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (2)
  • Let your husband handle this one. It is his grandfather, and you should not have to defend yourself against him. If your husband allows him to come to your new place, let him ask all the questions he wants. That does not mean you have to answer any of them. You can respond with "I don't knows," "I've never thought about thats," "Hmm, I'll have to think about that one," etc. Be thinking of a whole bunch of non-committal answers that you can give and then just pull one out of your bag. It might stop him from coming over again.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:17 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • Don't take the aunt's word for it. Then talk with your roomies and tell them what to expect from your grandfather, just in case. Yes he should be invited to come over. It is natural when you were living with him that he'd want to feel important, you were living in his house after all, so of course he would throw his weight around a bit so that he could feel that he was in charge, whether he really was or not. So love him, and invite him over, if the roomies know what to expect they should be able to handle his continuing the habit of being Pater Familias (the head of the family) . Let him do it. You'll have done this very kind thing for him,and he'll be happy, and you'll be happy that you understood his motives and did the compassionate thing.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 10:17 AM on Mar. 3, 2009