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I'm scared, nervous and unsure...please help me....

Hello Moms. Im kind of in a sticky situation and I just need some reassurance. What is the probability of a good mom who doesnt go out, doesnt drink, doesnt do drugs, doesnt party and bring all sorts of men home (and the list goes on of what I dont do) losing custody of her child?

Im facing a custody battle with the childs father who wants to have the baby on the weekends. I dont want that. For one, the child is only 5months old and I can count about 8 times he has seen his kid. There is no bond there. Also there are other equations of why I feel he shouldnt have joint custody but I will say them in front of a judge.

I am not opposed to him seeing his child. Im just opposed to him taking our child out of my care for a weekend.

What is the probability of a good mom losing full custody?

What kind of questions are they going to ask at a custody hearing?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:14 AM on Mar. 3, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (12)
  • Well, since you don't do anything, you will probaly keep custody, but the judge will probaly give hm at least the weekends, because he's still his father. but good luck, and I wish you lots of luck!

    Answer by Jessica1991 at 10:19 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • I would say if he isn't putting the baby in harm then the judgemay let him have him for one night of the weekend but you never know. Sometimes the judge will not allow overnights til the baby is one or two. I have said a prayer for you.

    Answer by ria7 at 10:25 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • Get a Lawyer! And you need to remember the judge will only go by the book and do whats in the best interests of the child. You can't take your emotions to court. I have been there over custody and childsupport. Are you breastfeeding? I could see why your baby shouldn't go if that's the case. If not and your're bottle feeding then it shouldn't be a problem for her to go on the weekends... I have primary physical custody with a parenting plan attached and their father gets them the first and third weekend and the fifth weekend if there is one. Also we alternate holidays, and he has to have his time in for the summer visits by April 1st. It's a basic plan, if we don't agree on things, or if he wants to go outside of the schedule then it goes back to the parenting plan. I don't always agree with certain things he does with them, but I also have to remember they need to have a relationship with their Dad...

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:29 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • Ok, I agree that the judge is probably going to grant him visitation. If you refuse to follow the orders of the judge and not allow the baby's father to see the baby, chances are GOOD that you could lose custody period. It's called "alienation of parental affection" and most judges frown very strongly on that.

    Now, since your baby is only 5 months old, the father will probably NOT get an overnight visit for quite some time. Especially if you're breastfeeding. IF you're formula feeding, the liklihood of an overnight visit at this age is still fairly low, but it COULD happen since the baby doesn't need your milk and a father can give a bottle of formula just as well as a mother can.

    Good luck! I do recommend that you get a lawyer if you don't already have one. Social Services can give you a list of family law attorneys who operate on a sliding scale if you don't have $$.

    Answer by cat0325 at 10:29 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • Make sure you tell your lawyer and the judge that you are very concerned that he may not know how to care for such a young child. Explain the very few times he's seen your baby and also explain how important consistancy is in a babies life and how difficult it will be if the baby is gone each weekend and on a whole different sleep/feeding schedule. I really can't imagine that the judge would let your husband have the baby for an extended visit, especially overnight, if he has no idea how to take care of it! Is your ex just doing this to upset you or do you think he really wants to be in his kid's life?

    Answer by stepmom929 at 10:34 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • I wouldn't boohoo to the judge, don't take your emotions to court, it should be very cut and dry. I know raising a child isn't cut and dry but if you want things to go your way you have to be an adult about it. Tell the attorney everything you want, you're paying him he works for you, make sure not to leave anything out. Make a list of the times and dates he's seen the baby, times he said he was going to and didn't show. Phone calls, things he said to you, if he's serious he will have an attorney, if not you will win and he will lose. I waited to get a divorce simply because they were babies but with things as they are now the fathers are getting more rights, and rightfully so. If he's wanting to be in the baby's life, you don't have the right to keep him from his child. I know it's a hard pill to swallow but you did make this baby with him...

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:43 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • Try to put a different spin on this. Yes the judge will more than likey give the dad visitation everyother weekend Friday to Sunday. No. 1 be greatful that your son has a father that wants to be there. No. 2 You need a break too! take them time for yourself. Relax and do what you want to do.

    Answer by JandAddysMom at 3:12 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • Full custody does not imply that he does not have the child every other weekend or every other holiday. He has a right to that much whether you like it or not...unless you can prove him unfit.


    Answer by Anonymous at 8:15 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • If you can prove him unfit you can get supervised visits. I agree, 5 months is way too young to be away from Mommy for the weekend. I'd get a lawyer and have them tell you what to expect. I wish you luck.


    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 8:44 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • Here, the man isn't awarded overnight or weekend stays until the child stops breast feeding. If he doesn't have extensive criminal history, drug abuse etc that makes him a truly unfit parent though eventually he will be awarded joint custody. In pretty much every case it is standard that the father gets 1st, 3rd and 5th weekends and at least one night during the week. I know it sucks but thats how our system works! My advice get a really really great attorney and hire a private investigator. Good luck hun! I wish you the best!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:58 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

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