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Please, please, please... someone help me.

I am soooo not over my ex and just heartbroken. And having his baby. And so frustrated I cannot stand it. I just want a connection with him again. I just want to know that he cares about me. I know it's childish and stupid. I have been going to the psychologist for 6 months now. Some days I can deal with it. Some days are like today though where I can't. And I call him and then leave messages about stupid things like weather or whatever just to hear his voice on the machine. Help. What can I do! I am so sad and lonely and upset, particularly that I can't get over him and he's already moved on.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:18 AM on Mar. 3, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Girl you need to stop calling.. If he has moved on hez not coming back.. Im sorry but if he doesnt answer u or call back with some sign that he will you need to let go... He will always be there cause of the baby, but not for you... PLUS u dont want him if he only wants that babys love... I cant help u move on you have to do that on your own........ This to shall pass mama.. Give it time...
    HottMamaRossx2

    Answer by HottMamaRossx2 at 10:21 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • ok i do the same thing with my ex. i had to earase his number out of my phone so that i cant call him or text him and if he wants to call me he has my number... just do it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:23 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • Oh gosh. (((hugs))) This is very sad for you. It is good that you are getting professional help. Your relationship was a living part of your life. Now that part is dead. Part of grieving over a death is disbelief, then guilt, sadness, and so forth. Eventually we have to recognize that that part of our life truly is gone. It is painful, it is unbearable. But no amount of wanting and wishing will bring it back. When you find yourself looking backwards, stop, take a breath, and look forward. That part is dead. Your future is alive. Take charge of your life and stop living in the past, or trying to live in the past. You are strong, you are intelligent, and most importantly, you have a new human being in you who may well be influenced by your overwhelming sadness. Think of this new person with love and joy.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 10:25 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • You have to choose to let him go. You will have to choose every day even many times a day. It is pretty obvious that he doesn't want you, and no matter how much you may want him, you don't have the power to change his mind. What you can do is learn from this. Learn to not ever let yourself be used again by someone like him. The good thing about not having sex before you are married to a guy is that you know that man wants you for who you are and not for what you can give him. That's what you deserve--a man who loves you for the person that you are. You can choose to settle for nothing less in the future. You can determine never to allow yourself to be taken advantage of again as this man has done. Yes, you will experience the pain of separation from this man, but you can let this experience strengthen your inner resolve to never let it happen again. That's where you do have power, and I hope you use it fully!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:29 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • Well if he has moved on then its your turn. Try an realize he is just a person an you will have someone in your life when the time is right, I went thru the same thing an 4yrs later I was still thinking of him everyday even after I met someone , finially I just got over haveing him in my mind. It wasnt a fisacal relationship, he was just someone I Loved But moved on, an having a baby is a big step an will help you if you put thing in perspective!
    Try not to let him be a connection for you, put all your feeling towards Your baby an do thing for yourself but do not let him get to you if he has moved on keep in mind that you deserve the best and wait for the best!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:29 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • This is really tough, I understand what you are going through. It took me about two years before I got over my ex. I was like you, constantly thinking about him, wondering what he doing or who he was with..bascially making myself miserable. And then one day I just woke up to the fact that he moved on and was happy. He didn't want or think about me anymore. And there I was devoting all my thought and energy on him..He didn't deserve that kind of devotion. I was pissed that I allowed this to happen and promised myself I will never go after someone who didn't want me. Here's another thing..the more you hold onto to him, the more he will distance himself from you. You can't make him love you. Focus on your baby and spend alot of time with friends who can cheer you up. The hardest thing is letting go but please try to be strong for your baby and keep busy so you don't think about the ex every minute of the day.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:39 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • It's just when he does come for appts I see the connection still there & I know he does too. He sends me messages telling me how unhappy he is but that he doesn't want to be back together. Or saying that there is a very very very slight chance maybe the feeling will grow again. But it's like, I just feel like it's so much harder that I'm havinghis baby because it means I HAVE to be in contact with him. I can't tune this stuff out as easy & it plays with my mind.

    He was also the only man I've ever slept with. We were together a really long time. It weighs on me that he's now sleeping with other women when we were each others first and only and now at middle age he's having these flings. Dumb of me, I know.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:43 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • oh, man..no wonder you can't let go. He's keeping his options open while holding on to you if something doesn't work out. NO, you're not dumb for feeling and holding on. When you love someone and it doesn't end up the way you want or expect, it can turn your world and mental state upside down. Do you think you can go to appointments without him? Limit your contancts with him or tell him to stop calling you or saying shit like there might be a chance off getting together again? Since it's his choice to be apart..tell him it's disrespecful of him to talk as if you're still in relationship. You will always have a connection..not only with a baby but your past with him too. It's time to be a strong woman and show him you don't want or need him anymore...even though you might be dying inside.. It's funny how those things work..when you show you don't care anymore, they come crawling back to you
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:00 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • Try this: when you do have to see him for baby related issues, have someone else go with you. When it comes to visiting the baby maybe you can have someone else be home and you could take that time for yourself. Not all the time but sometimes. Time will tell.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:35 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

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