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How would you bring this up..................

I was being nosy today and checking out my husbands favorite forum, where he posts often. There was a clip someone put on there and of a 15 year old teen girl getting a beating from cops. His responses were.........

"Maybe the bitch can learn some respect from this. Probably the wrong response from the cops. But I'm sure she won't mouth off to the cops next time."

And then this furthering someone calling him out for defending the Police -

"I guess that was me. You clearly don't know many teenagers these days. I'd beat every single of them to death if I could."

I don't get this, this is not who he is. How do I approach this with him as it clearly is disturbing to me. He is step to one teen and father to 9 year old. As a parent saying this, and him being step to my teenage boy for the past 11 years. WTH?

Answer Question
 
TamaraKay

Asked by TamaraKay at 1:25 PM on Mar. 3, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • I wouldnt think too much of it. There is probably some stuff you post on Cafemom that if he read it, he would think the same thing.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:29 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • I answered in the other section too; but...

    I'd ask him if he was just 'talking big' to be impressive online (as many do) or if he has some issues/problems with your son that he's been reluctent to talk to you about - cause if so; now would be a really good time to clear the air!
    beachmamaof2

    Answer by beachmamaof2 at 1:30 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • Don't stew on this cause it will eat you up. I'd ask him outright but but does he know you look at his forums, meaning did you break in or did he give you the password or is there no password. No matter what you have the right to know places where you husband goes in real life and on the web when, at the least, actions are questionable. I'd bring it up and if he has a bad reaction back off but keep checks. If he changes his password or switches to another forum that's locked to you, beware. Time for counselling then definitely. I've been in shoes similar to yours.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:47 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • I'd talk with the kids and see if he hasn't said or done things you know nothing about. Men like that keep their abusive remarks and actions hidden from the mom and threaten the kid if he/she tells. I think you are seeing a side of him he didn't want you to know about.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:10 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • What possesed you to "be nosey"?
    TheCatWho

    Answer by TheCatWho at 2:41 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • I would bring it up funny like say to him " I was on that forum you go on today and I thought your screenname was.....but he said some really awful stuff so I must have it wrong" Also would talk to the kids about his attitude toward them when you are not around.
    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 2:48 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • We are having some problems with our teen right now...hmmm!

    Maybe nosy was the wrong wording. I used to post there as well trying to take interest in an interest that my husband and his friends are heavily involved with. Too much testosterone for me. They have a big event this wkend, and I was just checking to see who was going too it from the forum to see if I wanted to partake in any of the events.

    I try to be myself ALWAYS even on here, and don't like the fact that he is on there sounding like someone else.
    TamaraKay

    Answer by TamaraKay at 2:49 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • first off teenagers thing that they are entitled to every thing in this world and it is the parents fault, should the cops have beaten her of course not, but i can see how come your husband would say these things because in this day and age not a lot of teenagers have respect for any adults including there parents.
    mrssundin

    Answer by mrssundin at 2:59 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • Make sure that your kids are safe of course. Is this man the person you married or is he changing? Sometimes guys get unhappy but they are retarted and don't know how to verbalize it so they do it on the computer instead. I also think most teenagers are brats or jerks but I don't want to beat them. Maybe he's not happy but you have to trust him and not go snooping through his stuff or what sort of relationship do you have?
    lizrider

    Answer by lizrider at 3:29 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • Maybe he needs to be beat by the police for being an idiot! Sorry, but NO ONE deserves to be beat by someone they are taught to trust to protect us. Also, the majority of teenagers that I know, do NOT need to be beat. They may be mouthy but they are learning to be an adult and we need to help them to be responsible, respectful adults. Beating them is not going to help. If I were that teens parent, I would be suing the police department in a hurry. As for your SO, I don't think I would trust him around my kids anymore. He just doesn't seem to be all there.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 3:30 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

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