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HELP PLZ!!!!!!!!!!!!

so right now i am looking for an apremt or house to move in too so i can get out of my parents house and out on my own. well yesteday i told my kids that i was working on fineding us a place. and my 4 year old dugter told me that if i do fined i place that she is not moveing whith me she was stang whith grama(my mom)(where wher liven now) it was rilly sad to here that and now i dont now what to do.
do i still fiend a place where me and my kids can live on uor own or not? how do i handel what my doughter sead? HELP PLZ

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youngmmom

Asked by youngmmom at 1:49 PM on Mar. 3, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (6)
  • It is normal for children to want to live with everyone who loves them. She feels safe and happy where she is and does not want to move. If you are a single parent and if your parents and you get a long and this arrangement is working, why not stick with it. It will be very good for her to have other adults in her life. If you are a single mother, the presence of your father in the house will be very very good for her. If you are married, then you and your husband need to get your own home for the sake of your marriage. You can gently explain to her that married people need their own house and that since you are her mommy, she has to move with you, but that you will be close and see grandma and grandpa all the time still.
    kemclaughlin

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 1:53 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • My son said the same thing to me when I told him we were moving. Kids don't realize what they are saying can hurt their parents feelings, so I'm sure your daughter didn't mean any harm. She's probably just worried she might not be able to spend as much time with her grandma. I know my son didn't want to move because his grandma spoils him and he knows that when it's just us, he doesn't get his way all the time! Go ahead and find your own place and explain to your daughter that she will still be able to see her grandma.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:59 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • Kem's answer is excellent.
    Children want stability. The idea of living apart from her grandmother is unknown territory, and thus it is scary. Once you have your own place, she'll be happy there. She always love her grandma, since her grandma loves her and the child lived with her during a formative part of her life. Assure the child that she and grandma will always have a special bond. Tell her that you understand, but that she belongs with her own mom. If you can get together with her grandma at least once a week it will help handle the anxiety and the missing her grandma.
    Of course you feel hurt. This is completely understandable. If you accept that children want stability- they want what they are used to- and that she and her grandma have a bond since they lived together- then this might help sooth the hurt.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 2:02 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • I agree with the above. We lived with my parents for 2 yrs and when we moved she couldn't figure out why we would want to go to a house that was so small when we could just stay with her grandparents. she is fine with it now and still sees them all the time. When she gets in trouble one time she told me she was going to live with grandma LOL! We have been on our own for 2 yrs and we had no problems your daughter will be fine when she sees a house and starts to warm up to the idea its just unknown now.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 2:37 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • My DS is 7 and he loves my mother so much. He always wants to stay with her. Some days it hurts my feelings, but I understand that he loves her. And at my parent's house things haven't changed (he has a now 19 month old little brother). So I know where he's coming from, and I let him stay on Friday nights so he can have his "alone" time. If finding your own place is the best thing for you then I would go ahead and move forward. Change is scary for children and the thought of a new place just might be really scary to her. Just explain she has to go with you, but make specific plans to see grandma (like dinner on Wednesdays or something). GL

    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 7:47 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • Kids resist change. Hey, dont't we all? This is a decision for a parent to make not a child. Explain that there will still be gramma/grampa time even though you will be living else where, but don't let a small child make such a big decision for the whole family.
    tiggermom803

    Answer by tiggermom803 at 1:52 AM on Mar. 4, 2009

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