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Is there a difference?

Is there a difference between holding a grudge and choosing not to subject yourself to emotional pain from a person? Say a friend hurts you and your relationship with them. You decide to avoid them. No calls, no get togethers, nothing. You just don't want to be hurt by them again, which you are sure you will be. Is that holding a grudge or protecting your feelings by not subjecting them to further pain? Is it ok to accept that that person is just like that, and choose not to be around them?


Asked by MrsT6102 at 4:53 PM on Mar. 3, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (2 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Yes, there is a huge difference. You aren't holding a grudge... you have just learned from their behavior and have chosen to protect yourself. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:24 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • I think there's a difference. I have the same problem and I don't hold a grudge over it. I just don't think it would be good to be their friend.

    Answer by PinkDiamond717 at 4:55 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • Holding a grudge is for people who might be worth it, other wise if someone does something to me I don't even waste time and emotion over it and cut them out of my life immediately.

    Answer by ZaTa at 5:04 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • There is a difference. Holding a grudge means that you have feelings of dislike towards them because of a problem between the two of you. Avoiding them to protect yourself can include feelings of dislike but may just be indifference or even pity or fear. A grudge hurts you because you hold the feelings of dislike or being wronged and they cause you stress. Protecting yourself mainly causes stress when you are actively avoiding the person.

    Answer by Bmat at 5:06 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • def difference.

    You can choose to stay away from some one if all they are is drama, or their just too much crazy to hadle. That doesn't mean u begrudge them anything, it just means they aren't worth the time, energy or sanity to deal with. I def think there is a dif between that and a grudge.

    Answer by Happ-eToBme at 5:18 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • There is a difference. I agree with Bmat.

    I used to have a friend. We talked all the time. She was my best friend. But then I found that she had betrayed my confidence and told her husband everything I had told her. I never did that with her. She did not think it was wrong to share my conversations with her with her husband. It hurt very badly when her husband then told my husband what I had said to her! Luckily my husband understood that for the most part, what I had said was when I was venting in anger and he agreed, she shouldn't have shared that. We are no longer friends. I do not associate with her because I do not want to be hurt like that again.

    Holding a grudge would be wishing her harm or something and would continue to cause stress on me. I feel it is better to just drop it and not think of her. That's not holding a grudge, that is just going on with my life.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:18 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • I have learned the hard way, not to be so forgiving of certain acts/betrayals. I chalk it up to the person being a pathetic excuse for a friend, and live with the knowledge that they are who they are, and write them off. I don't hold grudges, but I forever keep my distance, and move on with my life.

    These are a few of my favorite sayings:

    Holding a grudge is like swallowing poison and hoping the other person dies.

    Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

    Friends are either friends for a reason, or for a season.

    Answer by LoriKeet at 5:52 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • Do what you think is right and who cares what someone else thinks if they were hurtful enough to harm your relationship? Time will work things out.

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:46 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • A grudge is when a person continues to be mad or let go of a situation that wasn't worth fighting over to begin with. Deciding what kind of person you do or don't want to be around is just you evolving past making the same bad decision over and over. I've had to do that, just stop being in a relationship because I learned a valuable lesson: if you stick your hand in the bee hive and get stung..... you don't keep sticking your hand in the bee hive. It's the simple definition of insanity; doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Rest assured though, you will be judged, and probably harshly but the person that you stop being friends with. You've got to be willing to know that they are talking about you, blaming you, and hating you.... and still let it go. Breaking ties has to be complete.

    Answer by PaceMyself at 9:05 PM on Mar. 3, 2009