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How would you feel if you didn't have a say in WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR TAX RETURNS?

I am a SAHM and this year we filed jointly. We are expecting close to $14000 because of the first time home buyers tax credit. Anyway, according to the IRS website, our refund was deposited Feb 27th. DH insists its not in his account yet, (I dont have access to his checking account as he had this before we married) and wont tell me whats going on. He says he doesnt want to talk about it. I feel he has received it but doesnt want me to have any say in how we spend it. Is it wrong for me to assume that I should expect some of this money for MYSELF? We have sufficient money in savings so we can afford to buy me some new clothes since I just had a baby and need a new wardrobe?

How would you react to this?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:19 PM on Mar. 3, 2009 in Money & Work

Answers (10)
  • I wouldn't go for a seperate account especially If I was a SAHM with no source of income. It's your money too and you need to demand to see proof that the money is there or hasn't posted. Don't take his word for it. Do you check the mail? Can you see the bank statements? I really would be mad about it.

    Answer by SylviaNCali at 5:30 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • I think your bigger problem is what's going on between you and your husband, not the money. It sounds like he is hiding a lot more than just this from you if he hasn't put you on his bank account. Legally, since you are married, that is all half yours. I would go to the bank and talk to them about how to get on the account and take your marriage license with you. You have bigger problems here!

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:30 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • I agree with their being a bigger problem here. I am a SAHM too and had the money spent before we even got it. We talked about what we'd get. My partner bought a laptop ...I got the rest - which went to bills, stuff for the house, a stocked fridge, and I got myself a couple outfits. I don't understand the seperate account thing. We have seperate accounts (we aren't married) and I'll say "hey, log into my account and see how much is in there for me". It sounds like your husband is hiding something.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:35 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • I don't understand why people don't use the money for their KIDS. Atleast part. We put 2,000 in each of their college accounts. We get more back because of them, we shouldn't buy luxeries if we couldn't afford them otherwise.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:46 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • I would ask him again, in my sweetest, but firm voice, never accusing him of anything, but simply asking, "Hey babe, has our refund been deposited in our account yet?" If he says no and it has been, then he would be out and out lying, and until you could prove that, I surely wouldn't accuse him. If he stutters and hesitates, then kindly ask him why he is stalling. Communication in marriage is everything. Learning to ask exactly what you need or want is crucial. But also never accusing falsely, is also important. I lived for too many years being accused of everything under the sun and not one shred was true (but he was bi-polar.)

    Answer by lifeasinoit at 6:26 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • When men start hiding money it means the marriages days are numbered. I would go to the bank and get access to your money. Half is yours. You have to protect yourself.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:37 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • I'm with pretty much everyone else here --- something else is going on here or he's just a control freak.

    I've been a SAHM since 2002. My husband will be the first person to tell you that all the money on his paycheck, in the bank, in the couch cushions -- you name it -- is OUR money. He gets aggravated with me any time I call him up to ask him about a purchase I'm thinking of making.

    My husband, ironically, is the only person in this house that doesn't have "his" money exclusive to himself LOL The kids have their piggy banks, and I have my "stash" -- that he is fully aware of & contributes to -- to do with what I want.

    Answer by Laura1229 at 7:12 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • I agree, we share all the accounts. We have 2 checking accounts and a savings account in both our names and I pretty much control the money because I have to (I mean when he's deployed and such he can't very well be worried to pay the bills lol!) You should check with him, see what he says about adding you to the account and if he refuses then I would assume something was up unless he had a really really good explanation!

    Answer by AprilDJC at 9:49 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • Wow...something is up with that...but seriously...where is spending that on the kids. We are buying my daughter a brand new bedroom set with my husband's return. with my refund from school I went and got her about 200-300 dollars with of clothing, plus books, school supplies she ran low on, some toys, a trip to chuck e. cheeses. I don't know maybe it's a bad habit for me and my husband but we always put our daughter before ourselves...

    Answer by OneToughMami at 12:15 AM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • well since you filed jointly contact the IRS....

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:48 AM on Mar. 4, 2009

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