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No matter what your role in the triad is - have you ever felt this way...?

I have learned so, so much from the many adoption groups on Cafemom. I've met incredible women who are birth moms, adoptive moms and adoptees. The stories I've read involved a lot of pain & it has been an education that I am grateful for.

But there are times that I wish I didn't "know" all this stuff about adoption. Lately I've wished I could "put it on a shelf" for a while, but of course that's not entirely possible. How can you forget such profound stories of love & loss?

There are times I wish I could just raise my adopted child without examining the adoption experience. I don't want to worry about how my child may end up scarred or carrying baggage from adoption. I just want to live in the "here and now" & enjoy life as it is today. I want to just cross whatever bridges there are later, yet I know that if I don't educate myself I won't be prepared.

Ever feel you need a break from adoption in general???

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:51 PM on Mar. 3, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (9)
  • ABSOLUTELY!!!! 100%, YES!!!! And the best advice I can give is when it does get overwhelming to give yourself a break from it for a spell.

    We are more than how adoption has touched our lives and when it take over and becomes all of who we are we are not helping ourselves or others.

    Allowing ourselves to be open to what we have learned from others will serve all of us better than if we didn't have each other to lean on (even if our experiences and circumstances differ).

    Take a break when you need it :)

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 6:20 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • I know exactly what you mean. Between CM and the foster/adoptive parent group here in my city, sometimes it feels like my life is only and all about adoption! Sometimes I just want to back off and be a mom, not an amom.

    Answer by MommyAddie at 6:28 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • I think you certainly need to do that! Worrying over what will be never gets anyone anywhere. Educate yourself, and then go enjoy every second of your precious blessing's life! I just trust God with my kid's futures.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:41 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • i had a great experience with adoption and i'm the birth mom. i just recently reunited with my adopted kids and they are so happy and have turned out to be very talented. my oldest loves music and wants to be an engineer, he's making a song for the next twilight movie and he is going on a mission this yr. he got his eagle scout and he calls me other son likes to sing and is very talented as well. just be happy your providing a good home for the baby. i'm so grateful that the adoptive parents did such a great job raising my boys and i am eternally grateful for that. i just knew they would be. i really don't understand the pain women had with giving their kids up cause for me i was enveloped with peace and comfort knowing i was doing what the lord would have me do and what was best at the time. people who do adoptions really need to be strong and be sure as i was. no regrets at all.

    Answer by melody77 at 7:01 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • Yes. Friends often remind me I am raising a child and not an adoption project. It is easy for me to get too caught up and worry about how well adjusted my daughter will be when she grows up. So I have to relax. With all the books out there saying do this and do that it can get a little crazy. I agree with AllaboutKeeley that reading some of these experiences does make adoption sound so negative. But there are many positive experiences that all people from the triad have had. I am sorry for those that feel other wise but their experience has nothing to do with my child, me, or my daughter's bmom.


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:15 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • Yep. Ignorance is bliss.


    Answer by onethentwins at 12:51 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • YEEEEEESSSSS! Sometimes, I wish I could revert back to that ignorant state of mind when I still viewed adoption in a wholly positive light. But, I can't......I have seen too much, felt too much and endured too much.

    Answer by Southernroots at 3:54 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • Difficult to view adoption as positive when you read posts like some of the previous ones. The amoms generalize birthmother's as evil, drug addicts, basically losers oh and "any creature can give birth." Creature? Makes me wonder how those type of amoms really are. Perhaps anger has taken a toll on them for various reasons' and how do they raise our children when that is their state of mind?
    It's all in education. We think we are doing the right thing and to find out this is how adoption is viewed. Easy to think about it all the time and to feel used as a birthmother when we thought we were doing the right thing.

    Answer by Anne28 at 5:02 PM on Mar. 6, 2009

  • YES! I had to take a break personally from all topics that had to do with adoption, and I am actually just getting back from my little break. It was a few months were I just didnt want to talk about it, I needed to put it on the "shelf" so to speak.

    Answer by mnmommy1 at 6:28 PM on Mar. 10, 2009

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