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DH losing sex drive after childbirth?

I have an interesting situation that I need help with.
After my DS was born 2 1/2 years ago, my DH seems to have lost his sex drive. He watched me give birth and it tore me up pretty good, I ripped top and bottom. It took 12 weeks after giving birth for us to have sex and then it hurt, badly. Every time we do have sex, I tear. I also haven't been able to orgasm, either.
We have a great marriage. He is very loving and kind. We still cuddle and are affectionate and kissy. I still feel really connected to him. Whenever it comes to sex, I have to initiate. It doesn't seem to even faze him if we haven't done it for months.
I'm really close to having another baby and desperately want us to be able to get our sex lives back after I've recovered.
Has anyone else been through this. How did you get back on track?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 6:21 PM on Mar. 3, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • I imagine talking may help, do you know why he doesn't have a strong drive as you do? Maybe he's afraid to hurt you or that you may get hurt again.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:22 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • Could it be that maybe is is afraid of hurting you? You said you tore for a while everytime you had sex, that may be it. Otherwise you just need to talk to him, he may have some other issues that need addressing.

    Answer by AK_aries at 6:26 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • It would probably be beneficial to keep him from watching your privates in the last few moments of your labor this time around. Seeing your wife being ripped like that can really mess with a guy's head... my DH absolutely refused to look and he still had a hard time seeing sex the same afterwards. Definitely talk to him about it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:33 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • OP- here
    DH and I have talked about it a little. It's mostly me saying we need to get things back on track. I've bought a new special toy. It didn't seem to faze him. I've talked about getting more toys and making time. That didn't seem to get much of a response as well.

    He has made comments here and there about seeing a baby and their 13 inch head come out of your wife's vagina and how our son can be a "cock block". He has also said that now that we have a child, there are other stresses in life and for him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:47 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • I am a Pure Romance consultant and have helped a few women with this. I think that you may not be getting aroused enough because of the fear of him tearing you again. Try some arousal creams or a good lubricant that stays slick. Water based ones are great because they rewet themselves and you can message me if you need to talk about anything else. Check out the toys and products on my website together.

    Answer by mrsmilander at 3:08 AM on Mar. 4, 2009

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