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Marriage So how do I......

Well, I have a strange question. I have been with a wonderful man for 2 years. We have a 5 month old son and might be expecting another. He still hasn't had the money to get a divorce from his ex, and he says he will never get married again. But this really bothers me, because I want the wedding/ marriage experience. I have never been married and I want that experience. Plus I want the recognition that comes with marriage. I am willing to give him time, but any tips on how to eventually talk him around? He just says that he sees us as already married. Which I appreciate the commitment, but it isn't the same.

 
firstimemom4049

Asked by firstimemom4049 at 11:36 PM on Jun. 19, 2008 in Relationships

Level 1 (3 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • sounds like he has some major issues with his wife that he is separated from now, it is difficult to really answer your question, because he isn't going to commit no matter what you do until he deals with and finishes business with his wife. He mostly like has deep rooted things inside of him that keep him from being able to say yes to marrying you. Ask him if he would be willing to get some kind of counseling and see what he says. he really needs to get real with himself especially because he has children to help raise and he is responsible for showing them the correct way to grow up and live life. His example currently is not one he should be wanting to portray to his children, and most likely he is struggling with that big time. I even bet he is scared out of his head not knowing where to turn now, cause he knows deep inside that there are issues that certainly need to be addressed.
    BreakingFree

    Answer by BreakingFree at 8:36 AM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • It is not the same. If he really wants to be with you for the rest of his life, he will commit.
    Rebeccalynn_dj

    Answer by Rebeccalynn_dj at 11:43 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • It doesn't sound like this man wants to come around. I am sorry he hasn't given you a commitment. I believe you deserve a man who is not married to someone else and who considers your needs a priority. Do you think this is a man who is worthy of your love, time and commitment? Do you think you will change him? I encourage you to consider how you will most likely find a man who is legally and emotionally able to commit to marriage. The rest will follow.
    manna1qd

    Answer by manna1qd at 11:44 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • Ummm I think you should have thought about this before you got serious with him. What if you can never turn him around? Then what? You will leave him? Stay with him and resent him for the rest of your life? I suggest you guys go to couples counseling. He can tell they counselor why he doesn't want marry again and what he is afraid of, etc. If that doesn't eventually turn him around than I don't know what will.
    KimberlyMonique

    Answer by KimberlyMonique at 11:50 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • He doesn't sound like he wants to get married. You can't change him. If you nag him into it, you may feel regret about it for a long time.

    If you need to be married (I do) then think long and hard about why you're with someone who is not head over heels about marrying you.
    TXdanielly

    Answer by TXdanielly at 11:54 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • To add to my question. He is a great boyfriend/ dad - all except for this. And I didn't really know how strongly he felt about it when I got with him. He said stuff about it, but you know how guys say stuff they don't mean sometimes - it seemed like that.
    firstimemom4049

    Answer by firstimemom4049 at 12:24 AM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • It sounds like he's pretty set on this. I can talk about shoulda/woulda/couldas all day, but bottom line is, you need to find out if this is something you can deal with. If not, ask him why - if it's the same to him - is he making a big deal about the certificate?
    rae_dawg

    Answer by rae_dawg at 12:39 AM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • Sooo, you have kids with and are technically shacked up with a MARRIED MAN? What does that say about you? I wouldn't marry you either, you obviously don't have too much respect for yourself. He knows he can run all over you, and you will take anything to have a man.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:59 AM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • Sounds like he has been very clear about what he wants and does'nt want, so maybe you should respect that and either except his decision, or be with someone who DOES want to marry you. Why settle?
    sunshinecalimom

    Answer by sunshinecalimom at 3:18 AM on Jun. 20, 2008

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