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Would you let your teen still be friends with...

A girl who was pregnant, but had a miscarriage (which I think is very sad, btw) and is 16? My dd is 15 years old, and her friend is 16. My dd also has a friend who is having sex.
I feel like I would be a hypocrit telling her not to be friends with this girl, b/c I was 15 the first time I got pregnant, and I too had a miscarriage. I don't know what I should do. My 9 yr old dd heard me and my other dd talking about it and she said to her sister... Your friend is stupid for getting pregnant! My oldest dd got huffy and said her friend is not stupid. UGH! Please help!


Group owner of Moms of Children that are Victims

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Yasmin

Asked by Yasmin at 12:32 AM on Mar. 4, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (20)
  • Why shouldn't she be friends with her? This girl needs some positive influences in her life, and maybe your daughter can be that for her. If you have done your job as a mother, then your child will know how to protect herself from getting into the same situation. Just because she got pregnant doesn't mean she is a bad kid.
    Rebecca7708

    Answer by Rebecca7708 at 12:36 AM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • Its not your DD's fault the other girl got prego...so why punish her for it? I would just talk to your DD about sex and ways to prevent pregnancy and pray to god she listens...
    Mikayla_lynn

    Answer by Mikayla_lynn at 12:37 AM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • Right now your DD is in a stage that her friend means alot to her which you mean alot too but to her its different we all go threw this which when we get older we don't really let are teens know how we felt at that time cause it was yrs ago. i would let her still hang out with her friend cause 1 way or another she will find a way and she will reject you which you don't want cause more probelms will harm both of you, all you can do is tell her how you feel and that you still love her and make sure that she knows how to protect herself if she is going to hang out with that kind of crowd but stay hard on how ever you punish her for doing wrong(like sneaking out)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:42 AM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • if the girl were constantly 'sleeping around all over town'- No I would not (at least really close-hanging out constantly)- and not because of the pregnancy/miscarriage- but because of her present actions.

    But otherwise, I would.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:42 AM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • the exchange between your 9 yo and other daughter is just normal stuff. you might just remind your 9 yr old, we don't call people dumb/stupid even if we think their actions are.
    Sometimes 'stupid' is the only adjective kids use.
    Kiter

    Answer by Kiter at 12:47 AM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • I personally do not have a problem with it, but that is why I am asking for advice. I agree that she should stay friends with her, but the fact that she defended the girls actions irritated me. I also understand why she defended the girl, but my dd has self esteem problems, and always wants a guy in her life as a bf. I only got custody of her 2 years ago, so I am doing my best now. I love her alot, and do not want her getting negatively influences.
    I have already had the talk with her, she understands it all. I do not allow her to have close boyfriends... they can only hang out at church and school.
    Sorry if I came off like I don't raise my kids correctly.
    Yasmin

    Answer by Yasmin at 12:47 AM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • I did reprimand my 9 year old, but I also explained that her actions were not smart. I am glad my 9 year old feels that way.
    It sucks that almost all of my 15 yr old's friends are having sex already!
    Yasmin

    Answer by Yasmin at 12:49 AM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • My best friend in HS got pregnant when we were 16. I was never restricted from being her friend. It did not make me want to go out & get pregnant...if anything it was the opposite! I had my first child after i was married at age 20 (yeah still young but I had graduated HS & had a job by then too..then went to college after that)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:51 AM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • i remember back in those days that having a bf was the greatest thing cause your friends thought it was so kool back then and it also gives a high that a guy thinks your hot and its a stage that shows us that we aren't in the lil girl stage anymore which we try to show are parents that we are grown ups.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:05 AM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • That is a tough one I can see the concern but maybe just try to have them spend time where you can supervise ,
    gitanomadre

    Answer by gitanomadre at 9:22 AM on Mar. 4, 2009

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