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FIL has problem with us being foster parents to black kids....WTF?!

ever since i was young and had a friend who was in foster care, i've wanted to be a foster parent. growing up i had a pretty decent family dynamic. there were some issues, my parents divorced and stuff, but for the most part i was really lucky. my DH and i have a little boy and i finally got my husband to consider it. well, the other night we were visiting his grandfather, who raised him, and we were watching L&O and he commented on how he wouldn't take in black kids. Well, I'm as white as it gets and would probably have a hard time relating to a kid from the streets, but I'd love to tgive it a shot! His Gfather said that it would be a terrible environment for our son and that if I wanted to help I should just do PTA and if there are little 'N**gers' in the house he's not coming over to see our son! What are your views on foster kids of another race?


Asked by metalhealthmama at 11:34 AM on Mar. 4, 2009 in Adoption

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Answers (10)
  • Hes an old fart racist. Not a lot you can do about it. They are usually some of the most stubborn people on the face of this planet.

    Do what is best for you and your family. He can either join in and be blessed or be a butt and miss out. Which is probably better for your family anywho ;)

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 11:38 AM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • Oh, I forgot to put how I felt about foster kids of other races. I couldnt care any less what color they are. They are children and need love and affection. I would take any of them.

    Right now I am in the process of trying to convince dh that we should adopt from China like our friends did. He is not fully convinced yet. But I have time still. ;)

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 11:40 AM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • Well, you need to really think about your reasons for doing this..."I'd love to give it a shot". Is this a novelty? Please don't think I'm bashing, I'm not. I commend everyone who does foster care. My lifestyle has never been conducive to doing so. But every child deserves a family. Who cares what your FIL thinks? Don't let that be your guide. Let your desire and love for children be your guide. If he choose to not come over, it's his loss on the type of person you are. Very loving.

    Answer by EireLass at 11:40 AM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • Yeah, FireLass, I see what you're saying. When I said, "I'd love to give a shot," I just meant I'd love foster! I know its going to be a big challenge, but I can't think of many things that would be more rewarding than giving a child a loving home!

    Answer by metalhealthmama at 11:42 AM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • It didn't matter one bit to us what color or race any child we would foster/adopt would be. This is our life and our family and anyone who would take themselves out of our life because of it, well it would be their loss.

    Answer by MommyAddie at 1:06 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • Before you have a foster child in your home you need to do some research and soul searching. Not every child in foster care has "spent time on the streets." Also there are some real issues when it comes to parenting a child who is a different ethnicity. It is also something that you have to consider who is going to be around that child and be supportive of the choices you have made. It is not for everyone. It can be rewarding and you very well may be successful. But you do have to consider how family and friends will react and if you AND your husband are willing to not contact family who is not only not supportive of foster care but are racist as well. Quite truthfully, foster children or not I would not have that man around my home.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:10 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • i know they haven't all spent time on the streets. i was just giving one example of how i might not be able to relate to them. and if my family and friends are so closed minded and against us helping children that might not be the same race as us, then i don't want them around anyway.

    Answer by metalhealthmama at 2:30 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • You need to watch yourself. You shouldn't have to convince your dh of anything. If he's not in it 100% then you're in for a load of heart ache as well as the children. It will come thru to them. Please consider his feelings and if he's not on board then don't try to force the issue.

    As far as the race issue, it's no biggie. We're currently adopting our grandchildren who are biracial. My dh admitted after the grandson was born that he had always been a little racist but the moment that baby reached up and grabbed his finger he was a goner and realized that they're all little blessings regardless of race.

    Answer by baconbits at 3:05 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • i don't've never had to convince your dh of something he's never considered before? i mean, its not like he was like, no! i don't want ot be a foster parent. he had just never thought of it, i asked him about it, he said he wasn't i asked him later, and he thought about it and decided it wouldnt be a bad idea.

    Answer by metalhealthmama at 3:12 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • I would not want him to come over if/when you do take in any non-Caucasian kids. What a shame that he is that way! My grandfather would have said the same thing. We were open to adopting children of any race, but happened to be chosen by Caucasian mothers both times. I know we would have had issues with my grandfather if we'd adopted children of color and he had still been living.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 12:10 AM on Mar. 5, 2009