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Should i hold on to the past?

Here are somethings my boyfriend said to an old crush of his about me." have not settled. I am trapped. And I do like her, she's just not the "oh I want to spend the rest of my life with her" kinda girl for me yet. And about the love thing, I want to love her and I might already but I sure as hell know Im not "in love" with her right now. She's missing her canines (teeth)(yea I know)(I will make her fix them after the birth))(when you ever get to meet her she should have teeth) (LOL) (did I just say that!)(LOL I got a fixer upper)She's a crier she cried when she told me she loved me,( cause she knew I didn't)Sorry Lisa I had to go on without you I wanted so much for us, but timings always been our problem. It's probably for the best anyway, I'm a huge mess. You might have straitened me out, but who wants to do that." What am i supposed to do with this info I got off his E-mail so i know they are his words!! any ideas?

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Asked by DragoFly at 12:28 PM on Mar. 4, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (6)
  • We also have a kid together he says he loves me(NOW) and he doesn't talk to this chick anymore but the damage is already done. I just don't know what to do, Let it go or leave, This did happen while he was in Iraq but i don't know if it means anything or not.


    Answer by DragoFly at 12:31 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • It certainly means that he is not as happy with you as he should be. I am so sorry that you had to hear those words, it really must have hurt. My husband has always made me feel like the best thing ever, I couldn't imagine how hard it would be to have to wonder about his feelings. You deserve to be with someone that things you ROCKand that praises your good qualities and thinks you are the sexiest woman ever. I am not going to tell you what to do, just my feelings. Good luck.

    Answer by pattigioeli at 12:40 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • Leave!! He isn't worth it. Anyone who treats you this way isn't worth it.

    Answer by foreveryours66 at 1:39 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • I'm sorry you had to read that. And even if it was in the past, those are some pretty harsh things he was saying about you...IMO he sounds like he "settled" with you even though he has feelings for someone else. Even though he says he loves you "now"...i would definitly wonder about his honesty. Is he just saying that cause you 2 have a kid? Is he saying that b/c he can't be with the other girl? Or did he decied he loves you b/c you are no longer a "fixer upper"? I'm so sorry but the things he said were mean and horrible and I really don't know if i could forgive him for that.

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 1:51 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • My DH did something similar to me years ago. He was crazy about me, and pursued me 100%, even chose to have a child with me... but once I was pregnant he freaked out and he "bashed me" to one of his old female friends. It was the most hurtful thing EVER but the best thing I can tell you is that you if you choose to be with him, you HAVE to let go of the past.
    My DH talked crap about my pregnant body, our sex life, my being extremely sick... and it felt like he ripped my heart out and that he was punishing me for bringing DD into this world. He chose to have that child then did that... so I left him. It took a long time, but in order to take him back he had to take full accountability for what he did, show that he was truly sorry, then cut any woman that would not support our relationship out of his life. He did those things so, with time, I have learned to let go of the past... it's the only way for a decent future.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:42 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • If you do not feel that he is truly sorry, or feel that deep down he meant those things... then it will be impossible to let go. You need to take a serious look at his intentions and where your relationship stands.
    It is a horrible situation but the whole "Iraq" thing may have something to do with it. He could have been telling her whatever necessary to keep her having contact with him... sometimes they will be a little desperate to have something to focus on other than the war and whatever was going on around him. It doesn't excuse his bahavior, but could explain the "why" part... especially if it is totally out of character for him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:49 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

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