Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How do I deal with this? I wish it would go away.

When I was 5 years old, I watched my father physically abuse my mother so badly. I can still remember the day like it was yesterday. This was over 30 years ago. I finally decided to let my father know what I remember and gave him every intimate/specific detail of the event. What he did, what he was wearing, what room of the house we were in, how he beat her, etc. I just felt like I needed him to know I remember. Well, to make it worse, he denied the entire ordeal, said it must of been another man and that I was seriously mental and needed psychological help. I was completely distraught. I haven't talked to my dad since as I can't bring myself to do so. I don't know how to let it go and just move on as he obviously will never admit it to me or apologize. How do I deal with this? I want the memory and pain to go away and move on.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:05 PM on Mar. 4, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • go to a therapist

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:09 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • wow, I'm so sorry. It was courageous of you to confront him with this. I don't talk to my grandfather much because of a similar story. I personally wouldnt know how to get over it other than praying. I would pray that God would heal my heart and mind of what happened. And that he would help my dad deal with it instead of denying it as well. If you're not spiritual, I have no idea.

    Answer by MamaChamp at 1:09 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • I am spiritual, and I believe in God. It's just for some reason, out of nowhere, the feelings came up again, like something triggered them and I was bothered. I couldn't get it out of my mind so I confronted him. I am seeing a therapist, just started recently. I pray and ask God to help me let it go, but for some reason the feelings are really strong and bothersome.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:12 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • I had a very similar experience with my aunt and uncle. I was small and I spent the night at their home. The next morning my uncle beat the daylights out of my aunt with me in the same room. A few months later another cousin and I spent the night there again and my uncle beat my cousin with a belt all through the night (she was three and missed her mommy and daddy.) I had these things in my head for a very very long time, they still bother me sometimes. I never spoke to my uncle about these things but what really helped was talking to other family members.

    Answer by MommyAddie at 1:16 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • My dad was an alcholic for over 50 years, he beat my mom and verbally abused her. Oddly enough I still love him. He no longer treates my mom that way because he is alchol free now and she stoped tolerating it when my brothers got hard as it seems, your dad, my dad, did not and do not like themselves. When people like themselves they do not treat other people in that manner. Try to think of the roof (if he did) put over your head, and the food on the table. If your mom has moved on, you need to too. My dad denied everything to, but trust me they know what they did. It is a heartace that needs to be mended and like I said already if your mom mended it, now it is your turn. Because of the way my dad treated my mom, I am a strong woman. I know what I will tolerate and what I will not tolerate..good luck..

    Answer by Dannee at 1:17 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • Oh I am sorry. When i was in my late 20s I started to have issues with things that happened in my childhood. I did the same thing you did and confronted my dad about it. I was angry and had some pretty tough questions. I asked him EVERYTHING I wanted to know that I never would have before out of respect or embarrassment (mine and his.) My dad handled it better than your dad. He listened to me, he cried a little (which is not his style) and he said "I am sorry. I was young and doing the best I could." This conversation brought me so much relief.

    My advice is that you try again to talk to your dad about it. Maybe he got defensive and didn't know what to say to he denied it. But you can tell him, "I know it was you and I am battling with this". Or, see a councilor, hypnotist, roll play a better response. He may never tell you he is sorry, and you may have to find that relief on your own.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:17 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • You never really forget about things like that. You can get over them, or try to let them go and face the facts it happend. I can remember things my father did to my mother when i was really young.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:41 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • I think he's the one mental, He needs to be a man and step up to what he did. It's horrible you had to witness that as a child, and for him to think that was ok then and denie it now is wrong!!! I don't think I would have had the curage to confront him.

    Answer by NicholeAT at 1:57 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.