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Will my 4th baby be left out if she is spaced further apart in age from her siblings?

Right now I have 4 girls who are spaced 20 months, 19 months, and 29 months apart from each other. The last one is spaced 9 months further than the others because of 2 miscarriages in between. I want to plan on having 1 or 2 more kids. Part of me wants to try to conceive sooner (like when DD4 is 9-12 months old), so I can guarantee she will have a sibling who is closer in age to her. But another part of me wants to wait until she is around 18 or more months to have a 5th, and plan on having a 6th soon after so the last two would be closer in age. I've tried going through the pros and cons of each choice. And the main reason I feel like I would go ahead with doing it sooner, is mostly just because of the spacing thing. I've always wanted to make sure my kids didn't feel like they were being left out or wished they had a sibling closer to them. So what should I do? Will 9 extra months apart make a huge difference?

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Asked by mommyem at 1:13 PM on Mar. 4, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (6)
  • From my experience growing up (and my husband) I say, keep them close. I am 8 years older than my next sibling and the next one is only 3 years younger. Once those two came along, I was left behind. I felt like we were two different families.

    My husband is the youngest of four. The other three have only 18-20 months between each one...there are almost 7 years between the 3rd one and my husband. He feels like he barely knows the rest of them. Again, like it was two seperate families growing up.

    It depends on how you handle it as a parent too, but I dont think either DH nor my parents set out to make us feel left just worked out that way due to the gap in age.

    Answer by NorahSethsMommy at 1:37 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • I have 6 kids -- 20, 18, 14, 11, 3 and 22 months! My three stair steps each one has a buddy around same age.  I think if i had it to do all over I would have them all closer in age, but still space them out two years apart.  I thought having some 18 months apart was hard but 9 months wow good luck to yah.


    Answer by Charlar111 at 1:47 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • spacing them isnt so bad i have my kids four years apart they are 11, 7, 3 and it has worked out very well for us eventho there is eight years between the oldest and youngestm they get along great. so no 9 more months won't make that much difference.

    Answer by clumm at 2:42 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • I don't think it will matter. My kids are each 3-4yrs. apart and they still play together really well!

    Answer by sarahmae3 at 4:00 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • My girls are 7 years, 3 days apart, and get along great. We plan on having one more, and the age difference will be between 11 or more years and 5 or more. We are confident that all 3 children will get along fine and we won't have any issues.

    Answer by ZarsMom at 5:06 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • I have 3 kids that are each a year apart, 15 months and 13 months between the 3 (they are 8, 7 and 6 now) and then my youngest is 3 1/2 years younger then the 3rd (she'll be 3 in a month). It isn't a huge difference but I find she is left out a lot. For one her older siblings are in school all day and she is by herself. then they have all sorts of activities they go to and she is still too young and doesn't understand why she can't go, too.
    Then the older kids are allowed outside to play and she can't unless an adult is there and I'm always busy and the older kids don't always want to play with her because she's a "baby" even though she is super mature for a 3yo. A lot of the time she just wanders the house bored and lonely. Then she bugs everyone else because of it. If I had the choice I would have had another one right after her so she wouldn't be alone.

    Answer by justanotherjen at 8:41 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

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