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How can I talk to my husband, he lashes out at me when I do...

We're a young couple, with a 3 month old. He loves his daughter and is a great father, but I do all the work with her. Feed, change, bathe, ect....

If she cries, I get up in the middle of the night. When I ask him why he doesn't help out I get "I have to work tomorrow", which is true, BUT I also work 40 hours a week. I take her to daycare, and he picks her up, brings her home and sits her in her swing until I get home. Sometimes (very few) he's holding her.

But everytime I ask him to do something he just nags...."why can't you do it", "are you going to ask me to do everything", "this is my relax time, I want to relax"...He doesn't do chores...IMO he's completely lazy, but I would never tell him that.

I made the comment that I should quit work because I'm so tired, he said we can't afford it...but doing everything is taking a toll on me and my body. I've lost all pregnancy weight plus some because I forget to eat.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:41 PM on Mar. 4, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • I would make some major changes in my house if it were me.
    Personally, that is unhealthy and YOU are way more important than him and let him lash out, so what if he does. Do it right back. He is no better than you.
    You can always stop doing anything for him. There are ways, you can do it.

    Answer by JLynn0871 at 1:46 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • Ohh man I want to smack him. Sit down with him, make a schedule and tell him he needs to help gets things done or he will be the one that goes without clean clothes, meals, love, because you will only have time for you and your baby. He will have to fend for himself.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:47 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • I agree with 1st post. Time for changes. This is why so many women have chosen to be SAHM's..I would look at the budget myself and see if this is really a possibility for you. See if cutting out expenses will allow you to work part time or not at all.
    Also sit him down face to face in all seriousness and explain to him how this is effecting YOU and your relationship with him. It keeps you from being the best wife and mother you want to be. At this rate, you won't even want to be married to him've got to handle it now.

    Answer by MamaChamp at 1:50 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • I would suggest couciling at this point a counsler can help you tell him how you feel and maybe find out from him whats going on. Have you also tried a diifferent approach to talking to him? Just come out and say It makes me feel...... when you dont help me and I want to know why you dont want to help. Or something like any ways. I have heard that you should avoid you,if , and why statements when trying to talk to someone like him. also Ive been told that you want to be careful about how you start the conversation not touse statements that put the person into the defensive mode. Like starting with "Why dont you ever help me..." Instead start with something more like I've nticed you haven't been wanting to take care of our daughter and I was wondering why...
    keep your chin up and I hope you find a way to get him to talk with you.:)

    Answer by hypersquirrel at 1:58 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • He helped make the baby, he should be willing and ready to help with her..If he loves her then it shouldnt be a chore to him, he should want nothng more then to make sure he gives her what she needs. At the same time, you are his wife! He should want you to have the *Down time you need* What I would do when you got home is make sure your baby is okay, change her do what ever you need to do..and then hand her to him..and tell him you are going take a bath *close and lock the door.* Get comfortable, before doing anything else.*
    There should be no lashing out, and if there is just tell him..You work too, and it is unfair that you do all the work around the house. If he dont want you stop working because you need the money, he needs to step up and be the husband/daddy you and your little girl need!! GOOD LUCK!

    Answer by Novmeber2006 at 2:36 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • I DO NOT want you to take offense to this....but in your first couple sentences you said he is a great father, but what you just described, putting her in the swing until you get home and rarely holds her, is NOT a great father. Don't defend him here. We are all here to support you. No one is going to lash out at you here. You have got to set some rules and routines up. You are a young couple. You are going to both go thru some adjustment and hard times thru having a little one, but it does get better if it is a team effort. If your health is weakening over this, you may even want to continue to take your prenatals and get him to see that you are working and taking care of the baby and he really can be a great father and help.

    Answer by Mrs.Phillips007 at 3:53 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

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