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Help me get out of this relationship?

I have been in a relationship with a man for two years, hes a good man, hes nice to me and very sweet. He helps me out with my house, he is good to my kids. He is a good lover (when he is in the mood-not often) My problem is he has no motivation in life. He is BiPolar and he spends most his energy on whining, complaining and talking about how ill he is. He don't work, he sleeps most of the time. I just keep thinking I can find someone who is adding to my life and not being a drain on it. I don't want to be with him anymore, but I don't know how to get out of this relationship. He will be devestated if I tell him I want to break up. He is going to probably talk about suicide and dying. (He has before) How do I end things with him and not feel guilty when he lays on the guilt. I'm a very empathetic person and I hate to hurt others. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.


Asked by Anonymous at 1:53 PM on Mar. 4, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Sweetie you need to learn the difference between helping someone and enabling someone. It sounds like you are enabling him and his behavior. So what if he threatens to kill himself, call the police and they will escort him to the local hospital and keep him under watch for 24 hours. We all need to feel emotionally connected to someone but he's being an emotional vampire and it's not healthy for either of you. Get out while you can!


    Answer by legalmommy101 at 2:12 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • Well if he loves you he will understand and want you to be happy. Have you talked to him about this issue and would you stay if he didn't whine about being ill or had a job? Someone has some growing up to do and someone has reality to face...period. I think if you're not in love you need to let him go without any guilt and the way to do that is just simply tell him you are not happy and need more than he is giving you out of life. Sounds like a horrible situatuation and I don't mean to sound harsh but it's your life. Who's life is more important to you? your's or his?

    Answer by mom_wrhsc at 1:59 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • Have you talked to him over this?

    If you plan on leaving make sure you got all what you need he might not let you go so easily if there is no more love then leave. You don't need this kind of treatment but yet he sounds like a wonderful man not all people accept other people's kids (past). Once you leave it won't be long before he charms some other woman and catches him then you'll want to come back and it will be too late, think this through before you do anything who knows you just might get what you wished for so be careful. GL


    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 1:59 PM on Mar. 4, 2009


    Answer by Anonymous at 2:00 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • I tried to breakup with him once, and he started saying he thought he was going to die, he said he was going to give up on life. He begged and pleaded and made me feel like I had to be with him or he would lose all interest in living. Thats my issue, I do love him but he is SO draining. I feel like he sucks the energy right out of me everyday. I am his nurse, counselor, and mommy, at least that is what I feel like.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:06 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • For cryin' out loud...dump him already!!!

    Answer by candycrary at 2:25 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • 2 Years? BiPolar? How did you manage? Anyways kudos for you for being with someone who has BiPolar for so long. I think you should tell him how you feel. Then if he tries pulling the guilt trick on you don't fall for it again. Tell him he needs to get some help and get his OWN life together. Especially if you're not happy with him. Good Luck!

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:26 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • Has he not tried to get help with his problem? There are medications out there that do wonders for people with his condition.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:33 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • You are not responsible for how he reacts. Don't let his disorder manipulate and control you. If you are not happy then tell him it's not working so he can start dealing with it.

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:28 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • Amen, admckenzie. He alone is responsible for how he behaves.

    Answer by mimitothree at 4:41 PM on Mar. 4, 2009