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I need advice on FIL hell

I have had issues with my FIL since almost the day my son was born. In the hospital I went to hand my son to my mother and he tried to grab him before my mother could.
A week after my son was born my MIL was holding ds and I asked for him back. My FIL tried to grab ds from MIL and began arguing with me telling me it was his turn.
We had an issue at about 3 months because we bought a 65" plasma and he was facing my ds right at it. I jokingly said, "tell papa you're not allowed to watch TV." FIL said only football right, and continued to ignore me. I told him actually we don't want him watching TV at all and he continued to ignore me.
A few weeks later I was playing with ds and holding him over my head. He glanced at the TV for a second, but was looking all around the room. FIL went on to tell me 5 times Lance was watching TV in about a minute period. The next day he said it about 5 more times. When dh mentioned this FIL said

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hilary1122

Asked by hilary1122 at 1:54 PM on Mar. 4, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (16)
  • He was just trying to look out for my ds. That he took my word that we didn’t want him watching TV, and he didn’t even go home to find any evidence to negate my research that children should not watch TV at 3 months. Does he really think that he deserves a cookie because he didn’t go home and research to try to prove me wrong on how I want to raise my baby?
    My dh and I are actually in counseling trying to find an approach to deal with this. Our counselor suggested we broach the subject because if we don’t I am just going to go off. So we decided to write letters so that I could make sure I said everything I felt I needed to, and so that they could see that I did mention multiple times that as a grandparent FIL has the best of intentions, and is a very good grandfather.
    hilary1122

    Answer by hilary1122 at 1:54 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • FIL refuses to meet with me because I obviously must be bullying his son into saying things he doesn’t really feel. When my dh meets with him he tells him that I would not have been his choice for his son. That I am lazy and take advantage of him for his money because I am a SAHM. He then goes on to say that perhaps his telling me over and over about the TV was said with a mean spirit but he didn’t think I would pick up on it. DH made it very clear that he thinks I am the right person for him, and although he contributes financially I contribute many other ways. His father has also told me a handful of times since I was 13 weeks pregnant that I am fat. I am 5’4 and weigh 135. Not ideal, but I would hardly say fat.
    hilary1122

    Answer by hilary1122 at 1:54 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • I just feel like I can’t get past this and I want him gone from my life. I am worried that by doing that I am going to hurt my dh, but I am so mad right now that I really wouldn’t care if he just disappeared. Would you suck it up or would you be done with FIL?
    hilary1122

    Answer by hilary1122 at 1:55 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • Sorry to hear you cant stand FIL.............
    I love my FIL to death he is one of the kindest and loving people i have ever met.
    tomsjennabean

    Answer by tomsjennabean at 1:59 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • You have to suck it up. My in laws are no walk in the park. I have been married for almost 10 years and the problems started after the babies came. I can't stand my in laws, the people they are, how they treat and view others, but I keep my mouth shut. They are not my parents and I thank God every day for that. They are great with my kids and that is the extent of our relationshp most of the time. You really have to just relax, don't make a big deal of things they do, vent to your husband without putting them down, but keep you mouth shut. Honestly, your baby won't be harmed by the tv, and it is now become a battle. You have to pick your battles.
    pattigioeli

    Answer by pattigioeli at 2:00 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • I have VERY similar issues with my FIL. I finally had a talk with my SO and told him how I felt, and while he agreed with me he could not bring himself to tell his father to shut up. Finally one day his dad brought over these flashcards (mind you Kaylee was only 5 months at the time) and told me that I needed to start showing her words etc. etc. or she isn't going to develop right. I ignored him, but he called later that evening to insist that I start doing these things, and I flat out told him that enough was enough, my daughter was developing ahead of her pediatricians expectations, and that I was not going to miss out on her milestones because I was too busy pushing education before she was even a year old.
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 2:03 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • I continued on to tell him that he could think of me what he wanted, but this was my child and I would raise her how I deemed fit, and that he was more than welcome to come and visit but in no way will he have a hand in what I will and will not do with her.


    Since then yes, he has stopped coming over as often, and often avoids visiting if I am there, but my SO tells me that he has stopped offering his advice, and does what my SO suggests as far as getting age appropriate toys and things of that nature.

    Good Luck honey, In-laws can be the worst.
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 2:04 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • I'm so sorry - it sounds like your FIL is a pig and you are lucky your DH didn't learn any of his bad habits...to be honest after all that - I'd let DH take DS to visit them by himself and keep my happy ass at home...perhaps in time the you and FIL could try again and see if he's being more reasonable and if not then the arrangement can continue. And DH can make it clear that FILs attitude is responsible for this situation.

    Personally I wouldn't ask my SO to cut a family member out of his life no matter how much I dislike them. He has one cousin that I HATE and he's not very fond of either; but at family gatherings - well you know...so when this person shows up I suddenly need something from the store and take the kids; "so my SO can visit"; that way the rest of the in-laws think I'm nice still and I don't have to put up with that jackass and my kids aren't exposed to his idiocity (is that a word; lol)
    beachmamaof2

    Answer by beachmamaof2 at 2:04 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • YOU NEED TO GET THIS KIND OF STUFF STRAIGHTENED OUT NOW BECAUSE HE DON'T LIKE HE'S GOING TO BE A VERY GOOD GRANDPA, ESPECIALLY IF HE REFUSES TO HONOR YOUR RULES. I WOULDN'T LET HIM NEAR MY CHILD IF HE ACTED LIKE THAT...PERIOD.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:05 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • Grandparents are annoying sometimes, but i think they have good intentions...at least he's not shoving coke and ice cream down your kid's throat every time you turn your head (which is what my inlaws do). I used to get really angry about it, and now i just let it go. Every once in a while it's ok, if it were all day, everyday, we'd have a problem....but thank God we don't see my in-laws everyday.

    momjoy1027

    Answer by momjoy1027 at 2:05 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

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