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My son is in Kindergarten this year. He has always been a very loving child. But recently he has become obsessed with one little girl. One day he talks about her and the fun things they do the next day he talks about her in mean ways. I know he has this crush on her but I am not sure how he became so passive/agressive and I am not sure what to do about it.

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Asked by hrwhite at 2:12 PM on Mar. 4, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (3)
  • My oldest behaved the same way. At first I was like you and didn't know what to do or say. But then I realized if he likes her, and he comes home talking about how much fun they had that day, then you should help him remember those times. Kids at that age are in a progression where they forget about the day before, and only remember what happened at that moment. So if you have the gift of memory, help him on the days he comes home feeling less enthused about the fun he had and remind him of yesterday. Also, when he starts saying things that are a little too upsetting for you, as a mom, ask him how he would feel if he thought she was saying those things about him. It might take a while, but it's just like potty training, all good outcomes are not quick and easy. I bet he will be excited to see her everyday when he realizes that not everyday is a bad day, and every bad day is not just a bad day for him either!

    Answer by kelperd at 2:27 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • Here's another side to what might be happening: My daughter had the same thing happen to her in preschool and she was coming home with scratches and bruises because the boy who had a crush on her would end up getting violent because he was too rough with play and she called him on it. You've got to talk to the teacher first and make sure that nothing else is going on, like physical aggression just in case. If it's just his attitude, I suggest (as a mom of three kids) that you just tell him to stay away from her if he can't be nice. We've had to tell our DD this many times.

    Answer by tikigoddess at 2:54 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • My son had a girl best friend at 4 and 5. Then, she preferred other girls. My son felt rejected for a while. The same thing happens at school though with boys or girls. He'll say that some kid he was best friends with isn't his friend anymore. They have such an all or nothing attitude at that age. If a child sits with someone else at lunch or plays with someone else at recess then he is no longer a friend. I try to tell him that he can have more than one friend and other children are free to choose other friends as well. He doesn't have to make them an ex-friend. Keep being nice and they might play with you another time.

    Answer by tiggermom803 at 3:46 AM on Mar. 7, 2009

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