Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Do I have the right to be annoyed with this?!

I was told, on the phone last night by my SO not to talk on the phone during the day. He says I'm wasting minutes, and I should be taking care of our daughter. Which I do. I only talk when one of my friends call, and it's usually as I'm playing with my daughter. I never leave her alone while I''m talking so what's the big deal? I pay attention to her, and more times than not I put the phone down or tell my firends to call back because I have a diaper to change or I have to feed my LO, and they all understand. My SO feels I"m not spending enough time with her, I spend 24/7 with her! I'm a SAHM, what else do I do? He says I can't go out without her, I shouldn't go out with my friends to places where I can't bring my LO, I now can't talk o nthe phone when I want to. I'm so frustrated! I spend all day with my LO and I'm not allowed to have a normal conversation with someone now?! Not fair.. AT ALL! How do I tell my SO that it's

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:21 PM on Mar. 4, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (24)
  • CONTINUED - not fair for him to dictate to me what I should be doing at home, WITHOUT him there? He's away for work and is gone for months at a time. He tells me not to do things like it's so easy for me to just pack my LO around everywhere. I'm just so frustrated, I feel as though I have no life other than my LO. I love her dearly but even the most perfect mom needs some adult conversation throughout the day or and evening out with friends alone!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:23 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • Um, that's insane. He is obviously trying to control you. He is using your daughter to try and guilt you, but you are right, you are doing absolutely nothing wrong.
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 2:23 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • Maybe he is really just worried about the phone bill?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:27 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • Maybe he's worried about money, I mean after all he's the one working to pay for the minutes on the phone. I'm curious as to why he's so sure you aren't spending enough time with your little one. I agree you need to get out and be around adults. Look for a play group or something.
    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 2:29 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • OP HERE - I asked him about the bill, and if it had anything to do with that, and he told me that our long distance minutes are free after 7 and we have 2000 daytime minutes to use. I moved away and my friends all live away from me, so it's al long distance, but during the day I'm n the phone for maybe 20 mins? And that even if someone calls me. I never call out, so we don't have to pay for it. I just don't understand what the issue is..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:30 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • Well Op, maybe you should communicate with him and not us! Just a thought! :) We can't read his mind! Good Luck!
    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 2:33 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • The phone is going a little too far. But I agree with him about you not going where you baby can't go.
    Chrissy629

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 2:33 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • I actually agree with him. While he might not be saying it the best way possible, I agree with what he is saying. The truth is yes, you have a phone but he pays for it. You probably don't realize everything with the phone bill. Or maybe he sees something you don't with your behavior while on the phone. Who knows? Either way, maybe you should stop complaining about it and respect his wishes. I NEVER talk on the phone when my son is awake unless it's my husband calling. He only calls when it's an emergency. Talk during nap times or after bed times. But why would you want to go somewhere you shouldn't be taking a baby anyway? Stop complaining and just do what he says!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:36 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • Wow Okay thats f***ed up! Anon! ^ Mothers need time for themselves too! I mean if you've been inseperable with your child since they were born its nice to jus hang out with friends or other grown ups WITHOUT the child! Just nice to have some alone time and break away. I don't see the problem of you being on the phone and taking care of your child. ESPECIALLY if you are at home alot without anyone elses help. Talk to him and tell him you can still have a social life and be a mom too!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:48 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • OP HERE - Anon, that's how you were raised, and how you conduct yourself in your relationship. I respect that, but I'm just saying how it is fair for him to dictate to me how to go about my day? I cook, clean, keep house, play advice giver to his family, do running around for him.. I'm not even allowed to buy groceries he doesn't approve of, even thought it's what I eat and he's not even home to eat it anyways. I just don'tthink it's fair for him to take away, a way to converse with my friends. And like I said, sometimes it's nice to just go out with the girls for a lunch, and not have to work around a sleeping/eating schedule, carry a car seat, bring food, bring a giant diaper bag and try to find a table that I'm not in the way withall my stuff.
    It might work for you to be you DH slave but I think a relationship is 50/50. I take care of all his business so he can just work, so I should be allowed simple things like a phone.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:51 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.