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I had asked a question about my husband being deployed and him always wanting to talk about sex.

What i got back was kind of hurtful. I know my husband loves me and yes its great that he wants me involved and not just watching porn or whatever. I don't need people telling me to be grateful, i am very grateful for a wonderful husband. My concern is that sex is the only subject he wishes to discuss with me. Everything else we start to talk about, he gets aggravated or annoyed. How do we stay connected on an emotional level if he doesn't want to deal with anything but sex. Anyone that wishes to give me supportive advice and not be judgmental toward how i should react to my situation, i would love and appreciate to hear from you. All other please pass up on my question. This is my first deployment and a year is a very long time to be away from one another. I just love and miss him, want to do whats best for us.

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Asked by two.under.two at 4:54 PM on Mar. 4, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (7)
  • I'm not sure there is much you can do right now but I do think there may be some issues there. I think of porn as a way to desensitize sex and be emotionless. All I can say is keep trying to get him to connect to you emotionally. It's a give and take, so play his phone sex game and then try to get what you want out of him. Good Luck!

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 4:58 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • My SO is the same way, likes talking about sex, and yes it gets quite annoying because you can't actually have sex even though you would like to. Maybe compromise, tell him you will talk sex if he talks support.


    Answer by DesignerMom0801 at 5:10 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • Talk to him about it. Let him know how you feel. If you can't connect emotionally, you're not going to desire the sex when he comes home, just how women are wired. I mean keep up the sex talk too but you need your needs met too. Good luck & thank you!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:40 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • Okay, I was going to refer you to this one website because I thought that he was there with you and only want to have sex. There is a really good cd 'Contraception why not' that kind of discusses why there is a disconnection between a man and woman even though they are having alot of sex. But anyway, I see that he is deployed and you are separated at the moment. Have you tried telling him what you are feeling? I think that he is probably missing you, and doesn't know how to express himself. When me and my dh don't see one another for a while the first thing he wants to do is have sex, then afterwards we talk (it used to piss me off) until he told me that that is how he feels connected to me. Not sure I was much help, but good luck k. And don't give up.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:07 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • A lot of men that are deployed don't want to worry you or talk about what else is going on for them. They are living it everyday and they just want to think about something else. Also, sometimes its hard for some guys to hear about whats going on back home just b/c it makes them more homesick and by talking sex he gets to have a peice of home w/o breaking down. Since men are men no matter what the situation, I'd say he always wants to talk about that b/c A) he really misses you and some guys can't say emotional things so they relate it to sex and try and connect that way B) he doesn't get much oppurtunity to "fill the spank bank" and wants to hear your voice and talk about sexy stuff so he can use that later. C) being stuck with (almost) nothing but other guys to talk with, they get all juvenille again and think about nothing but sex, sports, and working out (just a general example).

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 6:24 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • it may be what he needs to destress... ask him for a comprimise, you will talk sex/dirty with him for like 10 minutes BUT you get to talk about other stuff for at least 10 minutes...and every phone call alternate which subject goes first..

    Answer by TippyD at 7:55 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • I completely agree with ozarkgirl. My husband is deployed and when he's gone he usually goes through a time where thats ALL he wants to talk about. I have learned that its because he really misses me, and his job is so stressful, it helps put his mind somewhere else for a while. I know sometimes its frustrating because you want to talk about everything but sex, and start to feel like this the only reason he wants to talk to you. Just be patient. Remember, HE"S the one far from home, in a dangerous place, HE's the one without his family. Yes, its hard on us but I can assure you its just as hard, if not harder on them.

    Answer by abbynzachsmommy at 8:48 AM on Mar. 5, 2009

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