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Help!!! My 5 yr old son is "acting out" at school and after school care. I don't know if it's because his dad is gone (deployed) or what. I don't know where else to turn. He has 1 more time to "act out" in after school care, then he's kicked out. Help!!!!

I'm going crazy. Don't know what to do!!! My son is acting out, about to get kicked out of after school care. Has anyone else had this problem or is familiar with what may be going on. The only thing I can think of is his dad being deployed. Is it something I'm doing? I talk and spank him 'til I'm blue in the face. Any suggestions?

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Asked by mrscbell1 at 7:25 PM on Mar. 4, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (5)
  • How long has your dh been deployed? When my dh deployed last yr my son acted out for about a month. He couldnt express his feeling that well at all. One night after I put my daughter to sleep, I picked him up and sat in the chair, he was fine playing on the floor. We had a talk about "what was making him mad". He told me that daddy left him and he shouldnt of. The kids at school have there daddys, but I told him " his daddys out protecting us and that this is his job and no one has a dad that this important. ( I know every childs dad has a special job too, had to make it where he understood.) He just had to get the angry out of him for his dad leaving. I know this isnt much help but this is what I did. Everytime daddy called I let them talk, I would let him draw pic and mail them to daddy for him, etc. Tell him daddy will be home soon for R&R and they can play until he gets back. I hope you find a solution for your child.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:42 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • I think that kids sometimes have trouble expressing their feelings, so instead they act out and get in trouble because they are angry. I know my son goes through similar issues whenever his daddy has to leave. Although my son doesn't do it at school, I often have a very hard time with him at home. I usually have to have a good talk with him and let him know that it's ok to be angry, sad or scared. He usually has a good hard cry to let it all out and he's better. Are you guys near a base? If you are, see if they have any sort of support groups for kids with deployed parents. Our schools here offer them and they have been a great help. Our guidance counselor runs the group and it has been very helpful. It's good for him to see he's not alone, and the counselor does alot of fun activities with them to make them feel special, and she also helps them to understnad why mom or dad can't be there.

    Answer by mauspond at 8:54 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • I think the absence of dad is a biggie. My brother was deployed once to Korea and once to Iraq and my nephew did the same thing. My son did this when my husband was working for someone during the day and then running his own business in the evenings. He was never home. It was horrible and I think my son was about 4 then. We had a very difficult time with him. Once I told my dh that something had to give and he returned home to settled down. Now I know that doesn't help you other than give you a reason. Its not a solution. I might consider getting him and you into a support group for deployed family and/or spending more time with him. I think I would ask mothers with deployed husbands.

    Answer by momofsaee at 1:27 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • My daughter had this problem last year when my dh deployed. It was the first time that he ever was gone from them for any length of time. We talked about daddy being gone and what was acceptable behavior and what was not. It seemed to help. He's gone again so we'll see how it goes in the next month or two, since the last time, she acted out near the end of his deployment. I'm just glad that both of my kids have teachers this year that are Military Teachers. No, they're not at a military school, but my daughters' teacher, her dh is Navy, and my son's teacher dh is Navy too. So they understand what they are going through.

    Answer by melittler at 7:43 PM on Mar. 6, 2009

  • My son is 7 in 2nd grade. I'm going through this now also and my fiance (his dad) isn't going anywhere. Out of a 5 day school week, he has 2.5 good days and the other 2.5 I wanna pull my hair out! I've thought of everything, he is currently punished for two weeks. It's just day by day now but also have been warned that he could be banned from afterschool care and I really need him to be there because I don't have anyone to watch him afterschool.

    Answer by 1stGraderMom at 8:44 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

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