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Where is my marriage going?

my in-laws are driving me nuts, and so is my hubby for that matter. in-laws disrespect me all the time.. hubby says something yea, but then he lets it go the next day or so. i feel like my hubby puts them before me. like im on his back burner.i want him to change his ways but he just lets it go in one ear and out the other. i want to fix this before we end up in divorce court like alot of ppl nowadays.... please help. he just doesnt listen and im at my whitts end with this subject...i feel like our marriage is going downhill... and i want to make this frusteration stop... please i need any help...

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youngandafraid

Asked by youngandafraid at 8:23 PM on Mar. 4, 2009 in Relationships

Level 5 (102 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Wife first, parents next.

    You need to move farther away from them. Good for the marriage to have totally separate lives.
    timelessglass

    Answer by timelessglass at 8:26 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • Tell him flat out that he needs to make a choice - either his parents come first or his relationship. It's not an ultimatum, it's simply a part of growing up.
    Furthermore, you have to grow up yourself and realize that your DH should not have to hold grudges against his parents for you. He should understand why you're so upset, but he should not be angry at them for you. He should stand behind you, though, if you decide to hold a grudge and be mad, and demand that they change their behaviours, or apologize. Just understand that that doesn't have to come at the cost of his OWN relationship with them.
    If you want to trade in-law stories, PM me.. I'll tell you what I've dealt with and HOW I'm dealing with it, along with my DH's part in it... And you can tell me what's happening with you, and maybe I can help give you direction- although we may have different personalities, so I may do things you wouldn't consider doing
    Liyoness

    Answer by Liyoness at 8:28 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • (or not doing as the case may be)
    Liyoness

    Answer by Liyoness at 8:28 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • I did tell my hb to choose and i was ready for what ever. I do not like or respect my in-laws. They had put me through a lot. I confronted them in a letter and they did not get it how hurt i was with them. I was hoping I would get" I'm sorry we did know this", But no, all I got was more insults, so I said f@#k them and I have cut them off and my hb understands. He does talk to his parents every week, to see how they are doing.
    You have to protect your self, when they say something you do not like JUST TELL THEMS right then and there. Say that hurts and do not like that. DO NOT BE AFRAID. And you must move away. GOOD LUCK
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 8:43 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • It sounds like your husband is dealing with it fine. You said he talks to them about the situation when you're disrespected.
    Men generally don't hold grudges like women do, so I'm not surprised that he's over it in a couple of days. That's pretty typical.
    What do you not feel happy with? If you want to vent about it for a while afterward, talk to your mom or a good friend. Those are his parents and I'm not surprised he wouldn't want to hear them being bashed repeatedly.
    We all need to vent about our in-laws!!! Just vent to someone who's less objective on the matter.
    He's sticking up for you to them, which is really what's important. Men don't like to sit and talk about problems like women do, they like to fix things. And it sounds like he's fixing them the best he can.
    MicahsMom612

    Answer by MicahsMom612 at 8:44 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • Been there done that. Learn to deal. Please don't fight over other people.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:07 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • always helps to live farther apart. maybe try talking to them less not just you but your husband.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 9:22 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • Me and my husband lived with his mother and sister for sometime in the begining. They both hate me, no reason why. It was torture for me. I would complain, I didn't feel like he was behind be 100o/o. It all changed when we finally move away from them
    Rachel24517

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 8:53 AM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • I know how that goes i live ten minutes from my in-laws. They used to drive me so nuts then one day i just flat out told them that it's my life my marriage i and that i married Brett not the hole damn family. As for your husband if he cant grow up and tell his parents that he is a big boy and can take care of himself or make his own desicions. Tell him to get with it or get out.
    shupey

    Answer by shupey at 10:01 AM on Mar. 5, 2009

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