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do step children really love thier stepparents, or just getting things they need?

its seems that they are only nice and caring when they wants something from me. I try to look at it as they are only kids, 16, 18 21,. sometimes it makes me angry, am i wrong for feeling this way?


Asked by Anonymous at 11:56 PM on Mar. 4, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (22)
  • okay, if they are 16, 18, and 21. you're relationship with them is going to be VERY different from that of a step parent ofyounger kids or of the typical parent relationship.

    what kind of things do they want? i would make sure that they know (have your husband talk to them or their BM if the relationship is there) that you expect to be treated with respect and kindness whether you are giving them something or not. it is hard when they are that old gaining a step parent. i have never been in this position, but i can tell a difference in my relationship with my 8 yr. old step daughter from my 4-almost 5 yr.old step son. he treats me more how i would expect my own son to treat me. where my step daugther there is definately a gap. i am working hard to close that because i want to have a good relationship with her, but it is hard at times.

    Answer by aly38914290 at 12:02 AM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • I tried so hard to be good to my step daughters, but none of it mattered. When push come to shove them still chose to stab me in the back for their neglectful mother. I don't try anymore. My husband has a relationship with them separate from me and our kids.


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:59 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • Well my grandmother remarried when my mom was about 22, and she definitely loves my step grandpa. Maybe it just takes time? But 21 isn't a kid. I mean I am 22 and I'm married and have a 3 year old.

    Answer by toriandgrace at 11:59 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • no i say they use u a lot for i know mine did but they dont no more now that there dad and mom are in a fight they treat me like crap so know i know how they really feel

    Answer by josalin at 11:59 PM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • I truly love my step-dad. I actually am closer to him then my biological father. My step-mom not so much.

    Answer by palexander at 12:49 AM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • I love my stepmom, she married dad almost 3 years ago and is a wonderful woman. She has been very accomodating of our large, boistrous family, and very sensitive about our mom who passed away just over 5 years ago. Dad was a widower when he met my stepmom and that may make a difference vd divorced parents, but some stepkids can and do love their step-parents. I know of two girls who chose to have their stepdad walk them down the aisle on their wedding day rather than their bio dad. That speaks volumes about the love and respect they have for him.

    Answer by canadianmom1974 at 1:13 AM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • I think it may depend I love my ex-step father he was the only full time dad I had known he watched me grow up and I love him just as much if not more than my bio dad but if my mother remarried now I don't think I would love them I might really care for them but love no

    Answer by lalasha at 2:16 AM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • At those ages--they are not "just kids" they are young adults and are manipulating you. Bottom line, stop "giving" them what they want and try building an adult relationship with them. You are teaching them to be manipulative brats--NOT adults. The best thing to do is sit down with them, explain to them that you have been allowing behavior that is not conducive to their growing up and it will stop. You will no longer be manipulated and used. If that is not an option, at least stop giving in to them because ultimately, you are crippling them as adults. People treat us the way we teach them to a great extent----it is time you stop trying to "earn" their love and start treating them as adults.....


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:30 AM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • I adore my step father. He came into my life when I was 14. I gave him hell for a couple years. As I got older my heart tendered toward him. Without him, I fear I might have made some life altering mistakes. I am 40 now and he still is my bestest buddy and I adore him all the more as the years have gone on.

    Hang in there step-mom, their hearts will tender as they learn to love you as you love them.


    Answer by GypsyWillow at 11:12 AM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • they are teens. They look to adults to provide. I'm sure they have normal feelings toward you. If they love you it's for who you are not what you give them

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:18 PM on Mar. 5, 2009