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DAUGHTER HATES ME

I WAS A YOUNG MOTHER RAISING A DAUGHTER .I DID NOT MAHE THE RIGHT CHOICES LEARNED BY MY MISTAKES BUT NOW DAUGHTER IS 22 AND A MOTHER HERSELF AND HATES ME FOR HOW I RAISED HER I DID NOT THINK I DID ALL THAT BAD I KEPT A ROOF OVER HER HEAD AND FOOD ON THE TABLE AND SHE HAD VERY FEW WANTS.NOW SHE HAS DISOWNED ME AND I DO NOT GET TO SEE MY 2 BEAUTIFUL GRANDBOYS I HAVE PPL TELL ME ABOUT THEM AND MY SISTER IN LAW IS CONSIDERED TO BE HER NEW MOM BECAUSE I HAD THE FAMILY TAKE HER TO FLA FROM IL TO HELP HER I DID NOT MAKE IT TO FLA FOR THE BIRTH OF MY 1ST GRANDCHILD BECAUSE I WAS WORKING AND EVER SINCE THEN I DONT GET ANY CONTACT WITH THEM.THERE ARE MANY UNDERLYING SITUTATIONS IN THIS STORY BUT NOT ENOUGH ROOM TO PUT IT ALL..

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:24 AM on Mar. 5, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (5)
  • I actually have a very rough past with my mother also and I resent her for many things. I was going to therapy for quite a while and even my therapist asked me why I still spoke to her. I can't just not speak to her. She's my mother. I want my son to know his grandmother. When my mother makes stupid mistakes sometimes I wish I had the courage to tell her to f*** off and never call me again...but I don't. I understand where your daughter is coming from and I'm in awe of her for having the courage to remove you from her life. It sounds like she has a lot of healing to do. Hopefully, in time, she will come to realize that the past is the past. I would suggest writing her a letter stating how you feel. Apologize for past mistakes. Recommend seeing a counselor together. Just make sure to show, through action!, that you are 100% ready and willing to mend your relationship with her. I wish you both the best of luck.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:35 AM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • Your daughter doesn't hate you, even if she acts like it. It's near impossible for a daughter to actually, literally, hate her mother. If I were you, I would give her the space she wants. Send birthday cards, gifts at holidays if you wish, and if she questions you, simply say "You don't have to involve me, but I have 2 grand babies that I'm going to love anyway." Maybe eventually she will let go of some of the resentment and realize that you can build your relationship from here on, and not dwell on the past.
    LiviGracesmom

    Answer by LiviGracesmom at 10:55 AM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • I have a daughter soon to be 22. She got married last November. She and her husband have been through some pretty financial times due to both of them having to have some surgeries over the last year. I help them out a lot. So do his parents until they can get on their feet again. Our job as parents is to raise them up to be healthy, educated,good citizens. Regardless of money these things are what's important. It sounds to me that you did that. Once our part is done then we have to let go. They are who they are and it's no longer a reflection on parents. If you know you taught your daughter correctly and did what a mother should then what she has chosen to do as an adult is up to her. I am sorry for what you are going through and it is sad that she would do that, but as a mother I understand some of our worse hurts do come from our children. Just give her time and she will come back to do what is right she will need you!
    tries2bmom

    Answer by tries2bmom at 11:11 AM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • I agree with LeviGracesmom. Show you still care. The cards will make her cry from missing you. Let her know that no matter where life takes her that you always will love her. Let her know you are sorry for the things she feels you did wrong. If she's right, and you weren't that great of a mother, show her that people can change, and that you are willing to do it. Show her that even though she doesn't think you did a good job at being a mother, that it's still important for you to be a grandmother, and that you're going to be the best damn grandma you can be. And don't give up. Me and my mom split for a while and the cards she sent really did make me miss her. I've forgiven her for the things she's done, and she's forgiven me for the things I've done. So I know from experience, things can only get better. It just takes someone to be the first to show they want thigns to get better, and you have to be the one to do it.
    MJ_BN_FE

    Answer by MJ_BN_FE at 2:37 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • You said there was too much to the story to say everything...and you said you provided her with food and a home. Thats it? How did you treat her as a person? Just b/c someone provideds you with things to live does not mean they did a good job. They did the bare necessity to call themselves responsible parents. Emotions, being there for her, accepting her as an individual...all these things can affect how she feels about you. And i do have to agree on some level with the other posters...its very hard for someone to actually hate thier mom. That being said, in order for her to cut off contact with you, that shows you must have done things very wrong! And i can't blame her for not wanting to let her children know you. I suggest writing her a letter and apologizing for everything that went on and promise her you will prove that you can be a good grandma if she will give you a second chance.
    ozarkgirl3

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 3:32 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

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