Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Titles and their "meanings"

Why is it possibly considered a "slam" or belittling a mother to place an "a" or a "b" before it and not the word "step"? They are all describing a type of parent.

On this site, and occasionally when sharing my story, I use ther termonology "bio" and "adoptive" to express HOW I am related to each person. I have never cringed at the titles.

I have never questioned why my friends had step-parents and I did not ever think they were less of parents to my friends. Why does "bio" or "adoptive" make people think less of that persons' parenting?


Asked by IZs_mommy at 4:17 PM on Mar. 5, 2009 in Adoption

Level 2 (10 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • IDK. I also don't understand why it's considered an insult to an adoptive mom for their adult adoptee to call their birth mom "mom", but not to call a MIL "mom".

    Or, why it's ok for a non-adopted person to research their genealogy or heritage, but if an adoptee wants to do it somehow means they didn't have good adoptive parents. I don't get any of it.


    Answer by onethentwins at 5:43 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • I think it has to do with the fact that most people veiw bio parents as the ones who gave their child away, and the a parent the one who rescued them... even though it is not always the case...

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:46 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • I personally use "amom" and "bmom". On the other hand I dislike seeing "BM". come on folks, its 2 more letters!

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:50 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • I agree with you IZs_mommy and look forward to seeing other answers!!

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 5:40 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • I'm only an amom here - everywhere else I'm just mom. Here I have to specify because we talk about adoption.

    Answer by MommyAddie at 6:32 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • I am my daughter's mom. We adopted her and good and lucky for us. I don't care if they call me a mom or adoptive mom. Only in adoption groups does one have to do that. What I dislike is first mom. If you are going to get uptight about adopting your child out don't do it...have some nuts and take the child home yourself. There is no such thing as a "first" mom. I think that is ridiculous...

    Answer by Boost at 6:46 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • Mom is the one who raises you. There is only one, usually, who actually raises you and has your best interest at heart. I've had people tell me they have two moms or two dads, but it's very rare that they had two people that actively raised and bonded with them in said capcacity.

    For me putting an a, s, or b implies that you weren't enough to be "mom" period to the person. Or don't have all the components. It stings horribly. And I hate that it is that way. Not that this is always the truth, but anything else is the exception.

    Don't worry I hate my opinion too

    Answer by Praying at 9:23 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • I only use amom, aparent, or adad here. Other than that other people can do the math. Most time they get it wrong. More often not the title I get is babysitter. I do use the term bmom, fmom, tummy mom with my toddler to introduce him to the idea that there is this woman out there that he is connected to. One day I can drop that and just call her by her name. Until then I use titles as a way of educating and teaching him. She is not just another friend we have so I need something to distinguish the difference for him right now.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:31 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • Man theres some insecure adoptive moms out here arnt there. It makes me think that bms are the onlly ones that truly have their childrens best interest at heart. They are the ones that are willing to share for the sake of their kids best interest. Seems to me the amoms view is all about them and how they finally get to be mom.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:54 AM on Mar. 6, 2009

  • Anon 1254

    I have to disagree, the only post that could be misconstrued as insecure was mine and I'm not even an amom....

    Answer by Praying at 4:04 AM on Mar. 6, 2009