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Is anyone else anal about not getting a baby sitter or am I insane?

I got left a lot when I was growing up and I always felt like I was at the bottom of my mother's priority list...this had made me really touchy about getting a baby sitter for my kids when it isn't a necessity.

I literally only leave my children on the couple days I work outside of the house each week, and I do the rest of my work from home. I don't go out...at least not anywhere I can't take the kids.

I know I'm extreme about not leaving my kids, but I see people that leave their kids constantly and it is hard for me not to judge. They go out to the bar, or they have someone keep their kids while they run errands. I think every once in a while is ok, but this is multiple times every week.

I'm trying to get a little perspective on what is "normal" use of a baby sitter and how kids react to it...I am aware that I probably overcompensate for my mom's mistake just because I never want my kids to feel like I did.

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kabbot01

Asked by kabbot01 at 5:05 PM on Mar. 5, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 4 (51 Credits)
Answers (41)
  • I am gone all day at work, from 8-5, so I don't go anywhere once I have the kids. I have left them with a family member 3x literally since they were little to do something for myself. I have left them with friends when I went to school though.....but, I feel guility if it's not a necessity
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:07 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • Me too! If it isn't something that is completely necessary...I can't leave them. My 3 year old was away from me while I gave birth, and that was her first night somewhere else...and I actually begged to go home the next day so I wouldn't have to spend a second night away from her. It is so hard for me.
    kabbot01

    Answer by kabbot01 at 5:13 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • I'm anon :07. I'm going through a parenting plan setup right now. My ex's attorney said, well you need a life too. I said, I don't think you understand. My kids are my life. I don't want to have a break
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:24 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • I feel the same. I've gone out TWICE w/out my daughter. Once for a short time to see how she did. And the second to have my IUD placed while she was w/ her step dad. I've never used a sitter. I don't think it's right. The kids will grow up and no longer need us. We should be there as often as we can when they do though.
    jus1jess

    Answer by jus1jess at 5:30 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • I'm in the same boat.. I don't work, I have been a SAHM for the past 12+ yrs... The only time I leave my kids is when I have an appointment. If I need to run errands, they go with me.
    I did start something new last summer, my ex gets our boys 6 weeks out of the summer, so they go there for 4 weeks straight and then the other 2 weeks are in July and August. It's very hard, and I feel really guilty about it but my Hubby said I need the time, to recharge and let the boys have time with their Dad... I know he's right, I'm just a Mom, that's all I know, so I'm trying to retrain my brain, my heart....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:45 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • Uhm. My daugther is 1 now. I have left her twice without me or dad. Once, she was with my sister while we went to the movies, and the other she was with Granpa for two hours while my and DH's work shifts overlapped. My stepson is older now, so he goes to stay over with Grandma from time to time. However, other than that, we only get a friend or family member to watch him when neccesary. His mother however, will leave him with her mother so she can go shopping. She only has him two days a week and constantly complains that she never has anytime with him! She had him on new years and she got a babysitter so that she and her boyfriend could go out after DH told her we didn't have plans so if she wanted to go out we could easily and happily have him home.
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 5:47 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • I have not used a sitter, but I have left her with family. She stays at her grandmothers (my MIL) probably 2 nights a month, but it is at her asking, not ours. She also stays with my grandma maybe one night a month, but again it is because she wants to take her, not because we ask her to. Other than that, she goes to daycare 2 days a week for 8 hours while I am in school, and the rest of the time she is with one of us. If we go out, we make plans for a night that either MIL or Grandma have asked to take her, or we only go out for dinner and pick her up from MIL's afterward if we don't take her with us (so far that has only been twice that we have not taken her, one of those nights was Valentines Day).

    So, yeah. We let people take her, but we don't "leave" her per say. Literally I get phone calls asking when they get to keep her overnight again, lol. Gotta love first time grandparents!
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 5:50 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • I think me & dh have a good ballance -- or I hope. I am a SAHM. and on Saturdays DH family comes & gets DD a few hours to spend time with her. And about 1-2 times a month we will let her go & spend the night with them...
    I grew up with my parents going partying on saturday night. It was grown up time & then we had sunday dinner as a family-either a nice steak dinner at home or a trip to Red Lobster. I think its a nice ballance.
    I think its good for kids to know they are loved by their parents. but i also think its good for them to know their parents have a life OUTSIDE of the kids. I also think its good for kids to know other people can care for them, not just mom & dad & that they themselfs can care for themselfs when need be.
    MommaTasha1003

    Answer by MommaTasha1003 at 5:51 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • I hate leaving my kids with babysitters and I almost never do it. My son was not left with anyone until he was two. My daughter has, but only a few times for emergencies and she is 21 months. When I was small a babysitter beat my sister black and blue with a hairbrush from the middle of her back to the back of her knees. Another baby sitter exposed himself to me. A daycare center left me in a playpen for 10 hours a day. There is nothing wrong with what your are doing. Keep it up!
    kemclaughlin

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 6:09 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • I think it all depends on why you are leaving your kids. My dd is in day care full time. On the weekends I ship her off to grandmas a lot so we can get stuff done around the house and have a break (not every weekend though!) If I had to do a baby sitter than than grandma, I wouldn't do it nearly as much. I just like the idea that grandma gets to bond with my dd. And my mom will take her over to my grandparents so they can see her too. I don't usually leave her with a baby sitter often, and when it is it's usually a friend or co-worker.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:10 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

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