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Divorcing with 2 kids...

I have a 20 month old and a 6 month old. My husband lives in Colorado and I'm now living in California. Do you think it's wrong for me to have my kids go back with him for about a month and then I get the in a month and so on. I really don't want to live out there with him anymore and I am scared to. He hasn't done anything to harm the children in any way and I'm not the type to not let him see them. Do you think it's alright how we are doing things?

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foreveryours66

Asked by foreveryours66 at 6:41 PM on Mar. 5, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (7)
  • I would say that if you're afraid of him for ANY reason, don't let him take your children.
    heratyc

    Answer by heratyc at 6:52 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • While i applaud you two for trying to go about this in a friendly manner, there are some problems with that arrangement. Kids that age really need consistency in their daily routines. They don't have a real concept of time and the back and forth thing every month could get confusing for them. If you must do a back and forth, i suggest longer time intervals in order to cut back on the interruption of thier routines. What about 6 and 6? Although it may seem ok, since you are trying to give the kids the benefits of having you both around; it may not be the best thing for them. I also suggest talking with their pediatrician or a child psycologist to get their professional opinions on how this may affect the kids.
    ozarkgirl3

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 6:53 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • I completely agree with ozarkgirl3
    bookworm65

    Answer by bookworm65 at 8:07 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • i agree with the 2nd poster. the kids shouldn't be pushed around to one place or another. kids need to feel like they belong and that means they belong in one spot and have their very own place to call home. being pushed from here and then there makes it hard for them to ever feel they belong anywhere. so best thing to do is you keep them all yr long accept for some summer time. so they know they belong with their mama and that place is home and daddys place is to visit. i dated a man who was used by his ex whenever she didn't want the girls she called him and he always took them cause he wanted to see them more but i told him as a little girl i would look at it like my mother didn't want me or i was in the way of her dating or that i was to hard to handle etc etc. so i suggested he put a stop to that cause it really wasn't healthy for their relationship mother and girls for her to push them aside when she didn't want them.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 8:32 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • Its great that your thinking of the kids 1st, but this might be a bad thing to do. Kids need to feel secure, and stable. Going from state to state every month will most likely not work. Growing up, my parents wernt together and my dad lived 45 minutes from my mom, even that was difficult! so imagine moving states, plus the kids are young, as they get older this might either be easier (they will understand it more) or harder (theyll want to stay with friends). whatever you do, good luck!
    lovelymommy2009

    Answer by lovelymommy2009 at 8:36 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • Wow, well I guess until they start school. When biological parents come up with a plan together, instead of having it forced on them by the court, it is usually better because they feel ownership and control of their lives and their children. What does your ex think about this?

    You also realize that when they start school they will probably only see him one weekend a month, on school breaks and like most of the summer instead (unless of course they live with him primarily after that - I hate to assume this day in age that a mom gets primary custody for the mere reason that she's female)

    Another thing to consider is WHERE are you in CA, there are some places I would send my kid to live w/ my ex on the mere basis of the school system they'd endure in CA.

    Personally, for our family CA is a no go zone.
    Praying

    Answer by Praying at 10:26 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • My ex is fine with this agreement. We talk every day. We have a good relationship not being married. When the kids start school I am going to have them go to school in Colorado. I live in LA. We've already agreed on that.
    foreveryours66

    Answer by foreveryours66 at 11:24 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

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