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Did I go too far?

I'm still really close with my ex's kids. When he gets them for 7 full days, most of the time they are with me also so I'm sort of a mom figure when they're with their dad. My ex's mom and sister bought his 9 year old daughter a pair of tennis shoes with about a 2inch platform heel on them. I got seriously pissed since I don't think a young girl should be wearing shoes like that and my ex agreed - he gave me permission to throw them out. Since I have thrown them out, my ex's mom has been pissed about it. I only threw them out because I think they're totally inappropriate and over these past couple of years, if I buy the kids something, she throws out what I bought them based on the simple fact that it came from me. But did I go over the line and throw the shoes away? I swear it wasn't based on retaliation, I've never thrown anything away like that unless it's inappropriate like holey socksor skirts that are too short.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:12 PM on Mar. 5, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (10)
  • They aren't your kids and you don't have the right to do that just because you USED to be married to their father. Not your place anymore!

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:15 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • Yes you went too far. You don't have the right. You have not rights where these kids are concerned. Why did you and your ex get divorced if you are still playing house?

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 7:16 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • Yes, you definitely crossed the line. They are not your kids and you certainly do not have the right to throw out something someone else bought with their hard earned money.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:20 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • well, i dont think you should throw them out - i think its a waste. i would sell them or give them away. and to save yourself this trouble let your ex, their dad through them away if this is the route you both wish to take. this sounds like a wierd relationship...but it sounds to me like their father needs to talk with his mother and sister. if they are his family he should be able to tell them that he doesn't like short skirts or shoes like that (although I cant even picture the shoes - we buy my 8 yr. shoes with heels. not high heels, but there are dress shoes and cute sandals).

    what i would do is give them back or something. and if you dont want her throwing things away that you got for the kids, don't allow them to wear them at your ex's mom's. keep that stuff at the dad's house. i do my best to keep my step-kids nice clothes here at our house. shoes are even more important. lol.

    Answer by aly38914290 at 7:22 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • To be honest, YES you went too far. It is a little inappropriate for a 9 year old to be wearing heels, but you should have spoken with her mom 1st, or talk to the daughter about your opinion. Though you may be close to her, her real mother is most likely offended that you would try to control the situation without speaking with her

    Answer by lovelymommy2009 at 7:26 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • Even if you were her step mother you went too far. I'd make you pay for them.

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 7:36 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • it says that it is her ex's mom, not the kids mom....

    as in the dad's mother.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:46 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • I think that the dad is the one who needs to do the tasks like these and take the heat from his dear mom and sister. When you purchase items for these kids then perhaps you should work it out with him that as far as his family goes - he bought and provided for his children. They don't need to know it came from you. But beyond that - you are not the parent. My concern is for you. It is great to continue to be a friend to these kids and want to be arole model but to continue to fill that mom role may not be best for them or for you. One day you may move on with your own husband and children leaving limited time for them. Or you ex may find a woman who he marries and she now is the mom figure for those kids. And she will have more authority and say so over their lives. At that point you could be feeling very hurt by not being more involved with them and being replaced - your input not mattering as much.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:17 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

  • I agree you went too far. It's no longer your place.

    Answer by pagirl71 at 12:00 AM on Mar. 6, 2009

  • A situation like the one you're in can be hard. Since you are no longer their step-mother, you should no longer do the parenting. If they want her to have them, ask her to not wear them around you. If Dad doesn't want her have them, let him be the one throw them out. At some point, you are going to have step aside and stop parenting them. (as hard as it is going to be).

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:23 PM on Mar. 6, 2009

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