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For those of you who Fell out of Love with your SO-DH

How did that happen?
Did he do things to make that happen?
Did you do things that made the relationship change?
I have been married before, and it did happen to me. I just what
like to hear how it happened to others..

 
Dannee

Asked by Dannee at 9:41 AM on Mar. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Level 12 (784 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • My husband and I have been married 44 years. During that time we have "fallen" out of love numerous times, but we have never stopped loving each other for one second. Love is about total committment to the good of the other spouse. "Falling" in and out of love is about the good feelings that we have towards our mates. Feelings are very fickle and a marriage cannot be based on them. That's why character assessment is so very important. It's why a woman should determine whther or not a man is someone whose character she can live with for a lifetime, even if it means she will have to give up some things she wants, before she commits to him in marriage. The notion that we must always feel in love is the reason so many marriages fail. It is simply an impossibility to maintain that "loving feeling" day in and day out. When we are angry, we don't feel very loving. Same is true for when we're hurt, disappointed, or upset.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:28 AM on Mar. 6, 2009

  • I did fall out of love with my DH after being together for about 8 years and being married for 3-4. What happened was that things went downhill after we had kids - no sex, no affection, etc and at the same time I had a blast from my past - my High school sweetheart. And so I started resenting the choices I made and my DH. We had a bad time of marriage for about a year or so. Then I asked him if he wanted to get separated, he said no. We did counseling and it worked. I fell back in love with him and things changed for the better!

    So now 3 years later we are still together and happy!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:52 AM on Mar. 6, 2009

  • I married because I was pregnant and my family wanted me too. I did not know him well enough before I married him. His personality is that of a single guy. He had a very abusive childhood and I think that is why he is unable to be in a steady relationship. I don't think I ever really loved him just felt sorry for him. That is the honest truth. When I met my husband I was on the rebound from a former failed relationship (alcoholic dude) so I made a desperate attempt to find happiness from the wrong person. I will be divorced in a manner of weeks! We have been separated for years now. MY SO is the one i truly love and he is the only father figure my young son has ever known. I am taking my time getting married a 2nd time though. We are getting all finances in order and making sure we understand each other really well. I think I have a much better understanding of what a real relationship is like now- esp since I have a young son
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:17 AM on Mar. 6, 2009

  • I think its a part of life. Love is a decision, not a feeling. There are some days I dont "feel" inlove with my husband but that doesnt mean I dont love him. Life gets in the way and you have to work at being "in"love.
    abbynzachsmommy

    Answer by abbynzachsmommy at 10:58 AM on Mar. 6, 2009

  • I have been with my husband since 94 and we have had good and bad and so in love and other times where I love him but I dont like him at times. The marraige over all is good. I am married to my best friend some one who I will grow old with but in love with him with butterflies and all not at this time but it comes and goes and that is what a marraige is all about.
    moma22angels

    Answer by moma22angels at 11:24 AM on Mar. 6, 2009

  • Could not have said it better myself nannyb! We live in a disposible society, yeah this whole marriage and family thing has been fun...but I gotta go! It is a vow...a commitment. People take it all too lightly these days. This is not to say put up with abuse, just people give up too early.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 12:11 PM on Mar. 6, 2009