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What should I do next?

My son is six and in kindergarten this year, the beginning of the year started off great but now he has already been sent to the principle about seven times for not following the rules and now it has esculated into violence as well. We are lost, we've talked to him until blue in the face, grounded him, maded him write sentences, took away fav. toys and movies, we've even tried rewarding for good behavior - nothing is working. We've talked to his doctor but she says "you have to parent" which makes us feel as though she means we have to spank him, this is really not something we want to do. However, at this point nothing is working. He gets angry and there is no talking to him, is anyone else experiencing this? I feel lost, confused, frustrated, and sad that my child is going through this and I don't know how to help him.
Any help would be appreciated - thanks!

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Asked by luv4bearnbeauty at 10:15 AM on Mar. 6, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (4)
  • I would wonder if somone at school is picking on your child or even saying mean things to him children don't just act out there is usually a reason and sometimes when they feel they are being invaded by teasing or harassing they tend to do the bahavior on to some one else I have a son and his cousin was hitting on him when he was going over to visit saying mean things to him and pushing him around and then he would come home and act out on his sister, it took us a awhile to figure this out but once we did and changed the way they were hanging out he changed he talked to us about it and now is doing tons better.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:50 AM on Mar. 6, 2009

  • I went through the exact same thing with my Christopher. He is eight now. Nothing will seem to work, no matter how hard you try. Just stick to your guns. Do not give in on anything! Each time you give him a punishment, ask him to tell you how he should have handle the situation, or to name some things he could have been doing instead of what he had done. (positive vs negative.) Christopher did not grow out of it until he was in the first grade. Also, ask for a teacher who is stricter, rule rules rules. This way, he can see consequences at school as well as at home.
    If the root problem is something that is happening at school, when you make him tell you the "positive behaviors" that should have been taking place, the problems will come out. Maybe not right away, but they will. For me, it was simply that the consequences he had at school did not help him at all.

    Answer by surleysue at 2:14 PM on Mar. 6, 2009

  • you said you have talked to him. have you listened to him? have you asked him what is going on?

    i would find out as much as you can about the situations where your son is acting out. make sure you know as much as you can. when you talked to your doctor did you explain all the steps you have taken to try to remedy the situation? let them know that you are at a loss and feel like you have tried everything. Tell them you are concerned about your son and need advice on what to do next. Ask them directly if they think that you should spank or tell him that you do not want to spank. That you would like to do everything you possibly can to avoid spanking. I honestly don't think that spanking a child after school for something they did at school is pointless and not going to accomplish anything. (and we do spank my step kids)

    Good luck. i wish i had better advice.

    Answer by aly38914290 at 9:57 PM on Mar. 6, 2009

  • We went through this last year with DS. Go to his guidance counselor and ask him/her to talk to your child and find out what's going on. Also, go sit in on his class be a fly on the wall, don't talk to anyone or even your child. Just once a week can really help in seeing what's wrong. Don't tell the school you're coming, don't tell the teacher or your child. If they say you can't, then remember, no one can tell you that you can not observe your child's education, especially if you're not disturbing the class or the teacher. If the teacher is being evasive, then more than likely they're hiding something.

    During K, we found out our son has ADHD and this year was diagnosed as Asperger's. So, I learned that some of those punishments were for things he couldn't control but that there were some that were him.

    Also, think about a child psychologist. Every school should have one available.

    Answer by beckwife at 2:17 PM on Mar. 7, 2009

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