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Grandma does not want to spend time with her grandkids.....why?

Long story short, my Mom and I lived a block away from each other in CA. AFter 10 years of trying to have children we were blessed with a baby girl. Very premature due to my toxemia but fine. Grandma decided soon after to remarry and move to the east coast. After several years of hearing her cry on the phone about being so lonely and hearing the tales of woe about his grown children not accepting her etc., she missed us and wanted to see the grandkids. We moved to CT to be close to Grandma thinking it would be a good thing because we were always close. My two girls only have her as a grandparent. There is no other family. Grandma spent years telling me over the phone about how abusive her husband is and how lonely she is but won't do anything about it. Grandma seems happy not spending any time with us and not seeing the grandkids. We don't understand and she won't talk about it...

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Asked by Noodlebug713 at 1:09 PM on Mar. 6, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (8)
  • I have the same problem with my Dad. He hasn't seen my daughter in 5-6 years. It's his first Granddaughter too. It really is going to be his loss, not mine! I just keep her around all the family that does want to be involved - she is well loved by everyone!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:12 PM on Mar. 6, 2009

  • Honestly she sounds like she is depressed

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:13 PM on Mar. 6, 2009

  • If she has an abusive husband, perhaps he's telling her that she can't spend time with you and your family. It's common for abusive partners to isolate their victim from friends and family

    Answer by MicahsMom612 at 1:14 PM on Mar. 6, 2009

  • I have the same problem myself with my mother. She complains and complains and makes snide comments about not seeing my kids as they've grown. The kicker is her only obligations for over 10 years are her own chosen church and social obligations, she's by herself and kids out of the house, no husband. Block out your mom's complaints and demands by having your kids beat her to the punch and periodically call her before she calls and complains. And send emails and pix. That way she doesn't have any thing really against you emotionally. She's just needy and controlling herself like my mom. Visit her when convenient, you can choose the length of stay better than having company yourself.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:18 PM on Mar. 6, 2009

  • Call and make the visits shorter. Even do things like meeting at church or movies out. She is probably being controlled by her husband. She seems to be relying on your rather than her being a support for you and your family. Help her out by being around her when she can visit. Get her involved with hobbies that maybe your children can be involved with as well. Quilting, book clubs, photography anything. She sounds like she needs confindence. Make sure she gets lots of hugs from your children when you are together

    Answer by pnwmom at 1:46 PM on Mar. 6, 2009

  • I don't know, but my mother hasn't ever spent time with my kids or my sister's kids. She is proud to tell people that she doesn't babysit. She's too busy chasing after younger men and being a snob. I don't know about your Grandma. Ask her out right if there is some reason she's avoiding ya'll.

    Answer by kbates1208 at 2:38 PM on Mar. 6, 2009

  • Did occur to you that maybe she cannot come because he husband will not allow it? you did say he was abusive right? Maybe go visit mom without the girls and find out what's going on...

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 2:43 PM on Mar. 6, 2009

  • an abuser isn't going to let her enjoy her grandkids. That's what abusers do, like the other poster said, isolates them and makes them miserable and lonely. I'd tell her to contact a domestic violence shelter and help her get out so she can enjoy life and the grandkids.

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:44 PM on Mar. 6, 2009

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