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What should I do about my sister going against my wishes for my kids?

My sister is 10 years older than me. Long story short, we love each other but she has always been competitive towards me and we are polar opposites. She's also a know-it-all and a control freak, and will even admit this. She gives my kids things I specifically ask her not to give them. (She's a junk food junkie and I'm more interested in natural and organic foods, restricting preservatives and artificial colors, etc) ) Last week she gave my DD Mt. Dew! After I told her not to!

She is going to want them to come and spend a weekend with her this summer, and I'm not letting them go because she doesn't respect my wishes. I've never gone against her wishes with her kids. When she bitches at me for not letting them come, what should I say? They're too little? (14 months- 3 hours away) Or tell her the truth and start a huge debate and listen to her scream at me.?

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jennagale76

Asked by jennagale76 at 5:49 PM on Mar. 6, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (20)
  • Tell her the truth.
    ChaoticSoul

    Answer by ChaoticSoul at 5:50 PM on Mar. 6, 2009

  • wow. there's no way I would have had my 14 months old spend the weekend somewhere else. I am just too clingy and control freaky myself for that! LOL
    Good Luck in whatever you decide :)
    EuroMomTX

    Answer by EuroMomTX at 5:54 PM on Mar. 6, 2009

  • I had the same issue with family and realized this: is the once and a while worth the battle?
    maybe she feels the need to spoil them to make up for the fact that she's not a part of their everyday lives...

    If they only see her a couple of times a year maybe you can look the other way.
    Just a thought
    my2girls0406

    Answer by my2girls0406 at 5:54 PM on Mar. 6, 2009

  • She sees them about once a month
    jennagale76

    Answer by jennagale76 at 5:56 PM on Mar. 6, 2009

  • Say that you would love to have the children visit her and get to know their aunt, but that you don't feel right about her giving them junk food. Ask her if she'd be willing to restrict what she feeds them. Explain that at that young age that additives and artificial sweeteners and caffeine do a lot more to their little bodies and their livers and other organs than they would for a much larger person.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 5:56 PM on Mar. 6, 2009

  • I would tell her the truth. it is easier to get it over with now then to have something bigger happen later
    Amelora

    Answer by Amelora at 5:57 PM on Mar. 6, 2009

  • I hope you won't take this the wrong way, but what does it hurt for a child to have one Mtn Dew? The children are eating healthy 99.9% of the time. I'm a grandmother, and I do not go against my children's wishes where the grandchildren are concerned. But part of the fun of visiting those relatives that we don't often get to be with is in getting to do something a tad different from the ordinary, every day way in which we are accustomed to doing them. My children don't keep candy in their homes. Granddaddy and I do. Not only do we keep it, but it's out on a table where everyone can help themselves. Sometimes, there's money in the candy dish for the grands. It's what makes life fun! We don't let them have all they want, and they know they are being watched, but it gives them a little taste of the "wild life,:" If your child drank Mtn Dew every meal for two days, it would not kill her. Just something to think about.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:57 PM on Mar. 6, 2009

  • Just tell her that you don't want her going against your wishes with your children, after all YOU are the mom, not her and what YOU say goes. If she can't respect that then she doesn't need to have them over, especially when it's something that you specifically asked her not to do, that's never ok. As far as listening to her bitch about, just hang up, you don't have to listen to anything you don't want to.
    heratyc

    Answer by heratyc at 5:58 PM on Mar. 6, 2009

  • Tell her the truth. But I do agree that half the fun of nieces and grandkids is getting to spoil them. Maybe you can come to a compromise. While yes they are your children, as someone stated above treating them to a soda is not a huge deal.
    ZaTa

    Answer by ZaTa at 6:02 PM on Mar. 6, 2009

  • Negotiate. She's not going to make a special shopping trip just to feed her family your way while your kids are over, or hide all the things her family normally eats and drinks. Decide which things you absolutely won't budge on and which are negotiable. The things that you won't give in, send what you want them to have with them. If you want them drinking water instead of Dew, send bottled water with them. Bring the leftovers home with you, and you'll be able to tell if they actually did as you wanted or not based on how much is left. You then have a legitimate reason to refuse another weekend if there's too much left over.
    NotPanicking

    Answer by NotPanicking at 6:07 PM on Mar. 6, 2009

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