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have you ever allowed your child to go and live with their father?

I have joint custody with my two boys. My oldest wants to live with his dad. He will be 15. I honestly am to the point that I cannot handle how he treats me anymore. The names he calls me, the things he says to me. He flat out told me he hasn't loved me or felt feeling toward me for a long time. I hurt so bad. I would give my life for him and I am torn. My youngest like the situation the way it is.
Have any of you had to make the decision? How did you handle it? How did you get through it?
I already pay child support to his bum ass though we have joint custody--yeah Colorado judicial system--and i know I will probably have to pay more.
I feel like if I don't let him, he will hate and resent me more than he does.

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:50 PM on Mar. 6, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (10)
  • no

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:52 PM on Mar. 6, 2009

  • ok here's the thing your son THINKS living with his dad will be better...why? because YOU have rules and guidlines. When he's with dad, it's all about them, the time they have together..It's a blast!
    My husband went through something simular with his daughter. She would want to live with her dad because all she knew... was the good times they had!! and then she would have to go back home then she decided she had enough of mom and wanted to move.. Well when she got to dad's house...there were rules! First of all she had to have good grades and keep her attitude in check...after a few months she was back at moms. Kids alway think the other parent will be a better place. Thing is, only YOU KNOW if it is better. Talk to the dad, if possiable and ask for his input. no matter how the sceneary changes..the situation stays the same. If a teen wants happiness they must find it within themselves, not the other parent.

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 12:09 AM on Mar. 7, 2009

  • ohh too answer the question..No I will put up with my teens, no matter what! because If they lived with their dad it would do nothing but screw them up and send them the message that I gave up on them.

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 12:11 AM on Mar. 7, 2009

  • My opinion without knowing you is, if you have any faith at in his ability to be a father to your son, then maybe you should let him go. I can't imagine anything harder but he is reaching an age when he has to start making his own life decisions and maybe this has to be the first. About all you can do is let him know that this is his choice not yours and he can always come home when he's ready. Sometimes the grass is just greener and kids have to learn that.
    No matter what you decide, my heart breaks for you. {{Hugs}}

    Answer by SammyJake at 2:33 AM on Mar. 7, 2009

  • I was going to ask will your ex even take him? I desperately wanted to live with my dad growing up and my mom always said no. Then she got fed up and told me to ask him and it took all of one phone call to realize why she acted that way. My dad made up excuse after excuse why he couldn't take me to live him. It was an eye opener and I treated my mom much better after that.

    Answer by SammyJake at 2:36 AM on Mar. 7, 2009

  • me and my ex do not talk. I cannot stomach the man. he does treat the boys like they are his best friends. we rotate the boys week on and week off switching on Sunday. I have always told my oldest that if that is what he wants, then have his dad get the ball rolling. nothing yet though...yes, his dad would take him. he is remarried with 4 step children so this will make him look even more like father of the year because it is very much about image with him.
    i like what was said about letting my son start making his own like decisions. maybe if mom steps back and lets him figure out what side is greener, then i can say that he made the decision on his own and that is what he wanted. i would never abandon him. I have their happiness in my hands first. If this is what he thinks will make him happier, then maybe I should let him have it. It still hurts to know that mom isnt his favorite. i need to put my ego aside

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:25 AM on Mar. 7, 2009

  • and my pride huh??? thanks ladies for your advice!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:26 AM on Mar. 7, 2009

  • Hi,

    Yes, after trying to handle my 10 year old son who has O.D.D. for a couple of years,
    I relented and let him stay with his dad on a temporary basis first. It was SO hard!
    I felt like a rotten mom because I couldn't get him to mind me and because I was
    even considering allowing him to live with his dad. My son would tell me in the heat
    of the moment (argument) that he wanted to live with his dad. His counselor suggested
    that I let him go BUT not let him come home the first time that things got rocky at dad's.
    Oh, that was so tough! My son comes to visit me every other weekend and he seems
    happy and content with how things are. I worry that he resents me though and he has
    commented (again in the heat of an argument) that he knows I don't want him. That hurts
    so badly. IF he only knew how much I love him. I tell him all of the time. I only hope that
    someday my son will understand and not hate me. Blessings!

    Answer by Juliek1957 at 7:54 AM on Mar. 7, 2009

  • I wouldn't, simply b/c my ex has proven himself to be unfit in numerous ways. And this is not my opinion, this is the opinion of the court system, district attorneys, as well as EVERYONE who knows him, with the exception of his family. However, I think that in a situation where dad might be a bit lazy or not a great dad, but isn't completely unfit, if the child is old enough to make this decision, it might be good to let him do it. He'll see it's not as great with dad as he thought it would be, and he'll either live with the consequences of his decision or he'll show you much more respect. Not to mention that dad will either shape up or have to be the bad guy in telling son no.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 12:04 PM on Mar. 7, 2009

  • I wouldn't give him the easy way out he wants no responsibility,and I think from what it sounds like he isnt getting this from daddy dearest, sista hang in their he will thank you when he has kids one day, and he may even apologize for the things he said to you. Keep your chin up.

    Answer by MarGeee at 2:50 PM on Mar. 7, 2009

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