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Should I stay or go?

I have been in a relationship for almost 8 years with my boyfriend - we have two children together. I found a picture of him and another woman about to kiss, but if you look closely, they are not kissing. He says that the girl wanted to make her ex jealous. He says that they never kissed and that's he's an idiot for even considering to take the pic. He says that he left the pic out in the open because there was nothing to the pic, it was meaningless. I have managed not to think about the pic, but there are times I want leave because he has no respect for our relationship. He's even told me that he wants to get married, but even though that was something I wanted to do with him YEARS ago, right now I think it's too late to get married. Anther thing is that his mother hates me because of my race. She has made it a living hell for me and he has not really stood up for me. She's manipulative and conniving

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:07 PM on Mar. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • Let's consider what is important here. The important issue is the children. What is best for them? A stable loving home, right? Your boyfriend sounds like a mature and intelligent and senstive man. If you loved him enough to bring two human beings into the world, then he sounds like a winner. If you are thinking of getting out, first of all be sure you don't have any more children with him- it would be unfair to all- and then be fair to him and tell him that you are leaving the relationship. But you should put the children first.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 3:13 PM on Mar. 7, 2009

  • Why don't you go to counselling now about that picture cause it's upsetting and to bring now to the table other concerns. Though you are technically married only to your husband, his family is who you are emotionally married to also. Since there's an issue from before of race, a possible kiss or not ... get it out before getting married. Even go to counseling now without marriage.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:31 PM on Mar. 7, 2009

  • I have suggested counseling to him and he does not believe in it. I know that if you marry him, you're marrying his family, but the only issue in his family is his mom. She has compared me to his previous girlfriend (who she hated), she has put me down countless times. She is seriously immature for her age - she acts like a 15 year old brat.

    You are right that the children are important and I have not wanted to have any more children because that would b horrible to bring children into a relationship that is unstable. However, I do not think that it is healthy to stay in a relationship with someone just because of the children because the children get affected.My children are always first, I am 500% dedicated to them, so much so that I forget about me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:53 PM on Mar. 7, 2009

  • I'm hearing a lot going on there but only black or white extreme solution. First you have Stay or Go? Then you throw in marriage. How could you possibly consider marrying someone you are thinking of leaving? You are setting up the marriage to fail not to mention all the negative that is bombarding it from outside the relationship. I think you should stop and take a deep breath. I think you should tell him you think he doesn't respect your relationship and let him start working on that. Without respect there is no healthy relationship. Consider taking a break and leaving for a while. Let him decide what he truly wants. Let him deal with his mother and let him woo you back as though you were starting all over again. The foundation is there. It's just that some of the walls are weak and need to be replaced with stronger material. Tell him to fix it or you will consider leaving for good.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:58 PM on Mar. 7, 2009

  • i would suggest following your womans intuition. as a woman we were given a gift and if you honestly truly feel it is something more-it most likely is. If ur having problems now-DO NOT GET MARRIED Marriage solves nothing and in my opinion can and most likely will make things worse.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:13 PM on Mar. 7, 2009

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