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not a everday pain..how do i get through this

I was raped and got pregnant and chose adoption to protect my baby girl. I dont care who judges me i have been in enough pain for long enough I dont care this isnt realy about the adoption. He deicded to come into teh picutre after avoiding beig contactd by teh adoption lady well now he wants full custody he was realy abusive and i will nto put my chid in that situation when it comes to a custody battle what am i suppoed to do? Has anyone bee through this how do i prove what he did to me i have stuff and an assesment from my counsler but is that enough? I am really scarred and frustereated that he can get away with rape then try to takefull custody. hes nice when he tlaks to me but then behind closed doors is going to hi sattorny about everythin and going against what he tells me he agreed to im scared for my baby and im lookin for positive advice

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:09 PM on Mar. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • I'm so sorry you have to go through something like that. I'm not sure exactly what your options are but I would say get a lawyer and if you have anything that you use to prove what kind of monster he is then use it. Other than that I really don't know what I could suggest, but good luck with everything, I hope that you come through all of this.
    heratyc

    Answer by heratyc at 4:17 PM on Mar. 7, 2009

  • once you sign over your rights to the adoption agency you lost your rights to fight him for anything. Unfortunately, even a rapist who is the father has rights and if you don't want the responsibility of her then he has the right to her. How do you prove what he did? Call a rape crisis center and see what your state requires and hope the statue of limitations isn't past. This is a terrible thing for you but it's reality. I'm so sorry. I had to keep my daughter out of an adoption bc her dad wouldn't sign and my dd had the same thing happen recently. (neither of us were raped in this instance though) Sperm donors have rights. That sucks but it's the law.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:24 PM on Mar. 7, 2009

  • Oh my dear, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. And I feel ,in my heart you made the best decision you could. Bringing a baby into the world no matter the circumstances is the most beautiful thing a woman can do. You chose to have your baby safe and loved when you know that you could not do that, and I, even though don't know you, am VERY PROUD you made that decision.
    DO NOT let that man, after what he did to your personal self, take that baby EVER! Fight as hard as you can to keep that baby safe!!!
    You don't know if in the future he rapes that poor innocent child.. and I hope to anyone out there, that that does not happen.
    Stay strong and FIGHT FOR THAT BABY!!!!
    DesignerMom0801

    Answer by DesignerMom0801 at 4:40 PM on Mar. 7, 2009

  • well since he interfered with the adoption shes back in my custody I'm so scarred though and I guess all i can do is pray my nerves are shot, I did this to protect her and now he wants her but at least i have her back since i did private adoption im glad i dint go through an agency. so basically its a custody battle and i do have an attorny but im still scarred and ill let teh judges and whoever know and ill fight with al i have to protect her. THank you for the advice and it means a lot hearing compassion. Thank you all.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:46 PM on Mar. 7, 2009

  • When you talk to your attorney, DON'T HOLD ANYTHING BACK. Tell him/her EVERYTHING and let him/her handle it as s/he sees fit. Tell him/her what you want.

    I applaud you for having the child. Many women don't. I had a friend who had a baby from rape, but she chose to raise her son. Her rapist didn't know about her son though and didn't fight for custody like yours has.

    Good luck, and here's a hug for you!
    rhope4

    Answer by rhope4 at 5:58 PM on Mar. 7, 2009

  • I have no advice but wanted to say I think you are a brave person! I'm sorry for what happened to you. . .but i think you are brave & strong.
    ColtsFan1912

    Answer by ColtsFan1912 at 6:43 PM on Mar. 7, 2009

  • I was raped and couldn't imgaine what would have happend had I gotten pregnant...
    that beuing said...

    KICK HIS ASS !!! Keep fighting for that little girl! I will be praying for you... I take it this guy was a boyfriend or soemone you knew(as you had stated about him being abusive) , my rapist was my boyfriend and I can understand how some of the crazy feelings of guilt, pain, and being just plain confused about soem of the things happening in your life now and how you could have let it happen...

    but anyways, you guys created this beutiful life ....make sure he can't steal her "normal" life like what he did to you.. just keep going and don't stop trying to fight this bastard! that lil girl doens't need to be hurt like her momma!
    Kelly_Ann

    Answer by Kelly_Ann at 9:27 PM on Mar. 7, 2009

  • I was the one posting this and i was afraid of the feed back but i just really want to say thanks for the support it brought me to tears... thank you all this is realy hard but i will fight with all the resources and connestions i have. I wont let my baby girl go through what i did it crushes me just at the thought he'd get any time with her. I just wana move on ya know. but thanks yall very much big hugs to each of you.
    mocamomma22

    Answer by mocamomma22 at 11:31 PM on Mar. 7, 2009

  • I have been raped twice and molested so I understand. There was once when I thought I was pregnant and I still have to see my rapist every once in a while. He had a gf over in Iraq and the police did nothing in my case. Fight for your right to have your baby. I told myself when I thought I was pregnant that I would be the stronger person and keep him/her. I have always thought what would I think if I was never given the chance to live a life I deserve?I think that you did great and dont give up now!
    mrsmilander

    Answer by mrsmilander at 1:08 AM on Mar. 8, 2009

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