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mil issue

my hubby and I have been together since we were still in high school.. during that time, he told me his mother abused him when he was little. He ended up living with his dad. Now, they do have a relationship, but they both act like it never happened. We have a six month old and we are already fighting about the day she wants to be alone with him. I say that she is NOT watching him by herself EVER. He says that what is in the past is in the past and that she WILL watch him because it is not fair for my mom to watch him alone and not her. I have argued and argued with him about it and still he holds his ground. He says that I am trying to be more the baby's parent than he is. How can I make him see that she doesn't deserve to be alone with him and that she is not to be trusted? If I can't make him see that, what am I supposed to do?!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:02 PM on Mar. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • If she didn't care to abuse her OWN child, she sure as hell wouldn't care to abuse one that is not her's. Tell him to STFU and quit making this in to a grandma competition of who gets to see your child the most.
    What's the deal about him having to stay the night over there anyway?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:05 PM on Mar. 7, 2009

  • I BELIEVE PEOPLE CAN CHANGE BUT THAT IS YOUR CHILD AND YOU DO HAVE MOTHER INSTINCTS...GO WITH YOUR GUT. UNDERSTAND THAT IS HIS MOTHER AND HE REALLY BELIEVES IN HER...YOU DONT WANT TO KEEP ARGUING ABOUT THE SITUATION THAT COULD PUT A BIG STRAIN ON THE RELATIONSHIP...TELL HIM TO GIVE YOU SOME TIME
    diamondmamma

    Answer by diamondmamma at 10:07 PM on Mar. 7, 2009

  • BUT YOU ALREADY KNOW YOUR DECISION
    diamondmamma

    Answer by diamondmamma at 10:08 PM on Mar. 7, 2009

  • oh he ain't stayin overnight!!! She just wants to watch him without me there. I dunno why she cares if I am there or not, that bothers me too.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:10 PM on Mar. 7, 2009

  • oh and she hasn't changed a bit.. she puts on an act for me but he has a 17 y/o sister that she emotionally abuses and then acts like mother of the year.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:11 PM on Mar. 7, 2009

  • yeah, i would not allow your child to be around her for extended amounts of time and make sure that you are with your baby at all times when she is around. i just wouldnt trust it. i was abused by my cousin at family functions so it doesnt take being left somewhere alone. it could be just being in a seperate room alone. be careful. and good luck with the hubby.
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 10:17 PM on Mar. 7, 2009

  • I feel stongly that as the mommy, your the main parent, your the one who does most, and in some cases all the work. I REFUSE
    lstrickland

    Answer by lstrickland at 10:50 PM on Mar. 7, 2009

  • If it wasn't such a big deal to get your child alone...."without you" it wouldn't be such a huge deal, but that throws red flags all over the place...as for your hubby who the heck said life was fair?
    erika.lyn

    Answer by erika.lyn at 11:28 PM on Mar. 7, 2009

  • I wouldn't let mine stay with his paternal grandmother until he could tell me if she hit him. The old bat hit all the other grandkids and I was not going to let him stay until he could tell me. I stood firm on that. He came home one time after visiting her and he had a bruise on his (p word) I never let him go back. she said the seat fell on him while peeing. i think she slammed the toilet seat on him for her own evil sadistic pleasure. Some people are just evil to children
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:36 PM on Mar. 7, 2009

  • Tell him to pick another battle to fight. I wouldn't back down if I were you. Luckily, I don't have to. I think your hubby has some serious unresolved issues. He may not want to think his mom would ever abuse your son, but he has to come to the realization that it is most definaly possible that she would. YOUR mom shouldn't even be brought up in the conversation, she has nothing to do with it. Really. If your mil wants to spend time with your kid, fine. But no, I'm sorry, I don't think it should be just the 2 of them. I think that if she wants a relationship with her grandchild, she should accept the fact that it will never be just them alone. You are a mom, and this is what you are supposed to be doing, keeping your child safe. I think you have every reason to be worried, and I think that you are doing the right thing. Don't let her be with him alone. Your hubby will just have to deal with it.
    Buffie95

    Answer by Buffie95 at 12:33 AM on Mar. 8, 2009

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