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Do you consider this to be abuse?

My DH and I are newlyweds and we fight a lot because we are both stubborn and childish. ANyway, anytime we argue and he has a drink in his hand, he throws his drinks in my face, or he would come so close to my face (about an inch or so), and yell and scream at me. I feel this is abuse, but he insists its not because he is not physically putting his hands on me and hurting me. What do you all think?

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:59 AM on Mar. 8, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (22)
  • May not be physical abuse, but abuse non-the-less.

    Answer by Danishlady at 1:00 AM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • I think if my DH did that I would could get worse. At the very least he needs counseling. I also think its abuse

    Answer by Mikayla_lynn at 1:00 AM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • Emotional abuse.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:00 AM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • It's intimidation and that is abuse. He is trying to make you afraid,and that is NEVER okay. You need to insist that he does something about his anger issues. Counseling or whatever. Show him that you are NOT afraid and that you will stand up to him. Do what you have to to keep yourself safe. What is he like with your child(ren)?

    Answer by Rebecca7708 at 1:06 AM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • To be honest, no I don't think it is abuse. And it actually bothers me a little that the word abuse gets tossed around so flippantly anymore that it's lost the severity that it should have. What I would say is that the two of you are grown adults acting like little children. I have a hard time believing that while your husband does these extremely rude and childish things that you are sitting on the couch with your halo shining bright.

    I don't know what you are hoping to get out of this....if it will just be used for ammo the next time you fight, so you can tell him that all these women think he is abusing you. But no I would say your husband is NOT abusing you. If the two of you are fighting, and by your own admittance being stubborn and childish, then I think you are both at fault and therefore just need to grow up.


    Answer by munch12502 at 1:08 AM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • Leave the word abuse for the victims that really deserve it. By trying to label acts like this as abuse you are doing a huge disservice to the people who are genuinely being abused. So shame one you.

    JMO of course. Take it with a grain of salt.

    Answer by munch12502 at 1:09 AM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • Throwing a drink on you is very disrespectful. It is abusive behavior? Yes, it CAN be. But to say he is an abuser and is abusing you is hard for someone who doesn't know you first hand. It sounds like you're equally as "abusive" to each other. He may think his behavior is OK because of the way you're behaving.

    Try changing the tides by limitting the drinking in the house (which I think is fueling some of these arguements you said?). Try dousing the flames of his temper by not arguing and screaming back at him and giving him a calm answer instead. If you're being calm and respectful to him as your partner and he's still hell bent on shouting you into the ground; then get concerned about verbal abuse. Until you can absolutely say "I had no part in this arguement" I don't think you can classify it as abuse.

    Answer by NovemberLove at 1:17 AM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • Emotional and mental abuse. Not a good thing... Just as bad as physical really...

    Answer by new_mom_10_21 at 1:18 AM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • Sit down with him and figure out what he actually thinks of his behavior. There are two kinds of abuse: mental and physical. Make a list of things that you both cannot do during a fight. Fight fair. Fights shouldnt be throwing things on anyone or calling names. Fights should be a way to get your mind clear and not disrespecting the other person.

    Answer by mrsmilander at 1:18 AM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • ^^^^^Or how about not fighting at all??? I mean seriously if you can sit down to discuss the rules and guidelines for "fair fighting" then surely you can sit down and discuss anything that comes up without fighting?

    One would think....right?

    Answer by munch12502 at 1:22 AM on Mar. 8, 2009

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