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Any help for feeling Abandoned?

My 2 year old's father is the same of the child I'm now carrying. At first it was fine and he was supportive and promised he was going to be here for me. (We're not "together" but we live in the same house and all) and lately even though I'm standing a foot and a half away from him, I feel like he couldn't be farther away. I feel like I shouldn't be surprised after my first pregnancy, but he promised this would be different and it's all so similar. I have almost no contact with my parents, so now I feel completely isolated. Is there anything that will help?


Asked by ExenoRainbow at 10:17 AM on Mar. 8, 2009 in Pregnancy

Level 5 (72 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Promises, promises. (Sorry, not trying to be rude.) :o)
    CafeMom is a great place to start - lol! I feel "abandoned" quite often because my SO works A LOT and when he isn't at work he is still working - either on the computer or on the phone. I rarely get ANY time with him and it really sucks. I come here all the time to "get away". I have no family around and I'm a huge skeptic so I don't have many friends near me. The closest are 20 minutes away and they are all often quite busy with their own lives. Just find good, honest people you can trust and talk your little heart out. Get support for your situation and try to avoid those "bashing friends" who will just tell you how awful he is. Make any sense at all?!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:13 PM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • Is leaving an option? Sounds to me like your being controlled if you have little or no contact with your family? Doesn't sound too healthy to me. If he wasn't supportive with the first pregnancy, well then odds are he wouldnt be with this one either.. I'm sorry that you have to go through this, but you need to be a strong person and get out of the situation. If he didn't help with the first one, he deffinately wont help with this one either.. What a crummy situation. Hope all works out in the end!

    Answer by ali_1107 at 10:21 AM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • That's be great except my parents disowned me a long time ago and are currently peeved I'm not marrying him. And if I had anywhere to go I would, but I had to leave my job last month because they were trying to force me into an abortion to keep it. (illegal yes, immoral yes, but they did) Him and his family are my only family as pathetic as that sounds. And he's talking now about re-enlisting in the military >.

    Answer by ExenoRainbow at 10:24 AM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • Read Ali_1107 she is right get out! you do not need a man like this he will never change.

    Answer by gammie at 10:28 AM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • Well, their are programs out their to help women get stable on their feet by themselves.. you are aware of that correct? You need to get out of this situation. Thats too bad that your parents disowned you.. My dad disowned me after I married my husband, so I can relate to that. But if he isn't helping out or being supportive about your child and pregnancy, your relationship is NEVER going to change.. and everything will always be left for you to deal with it by yourself. I hope you can get some other advice on what to do, but this is what I would recommend doing. I know that a lof of women don't want to be on state aid or anything of the sort, but when it comes to your children, you have to suck up your pride and move on with your life. Do you want your children to disrespect their SO when they get older? Im sure you don't. This isn't just about you.. Its about your precious children!

    Answer by ali_1107 at 10:35 AM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • Well if leaving isnt an option, maybe seriously sitting down and talking to him and making him listen would work. If a man really didnt want to be with you would he really stay in the same house? He would probably find a way to leave somehow. He could stay with his family. But he continues to stay there. Men are so strange at the way they show affection and the ways that they try to make us think they care. I just had a miscarriage and my emotions were running wild and I felt like noone gave a damn what had just happened to me. But I found my hudband in our bedroom crying. I guess he didnt want me to see him showing emotion. Maybe you shouldnt jump into leaving just yet Being pregnant can cause us to have so many emotions and i too always felt like noone gave a damn and that i never had anyone to turn to. hang in there. things will work out.

    Answer by JmgBlair at 10:40 AM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • Umm dont take this the wrong way, but to me it seems like hes a piece of shit. My x did the same thing to me I got pregnant, and he said he would be there for me. I had a miscarriage and he broke up with me, and then I just found out im 9 weeks pregnant and I called him to tell him because he is the father and he said he wants nothing to do with me or the baby. He told me he would never abandoned his child, but obviously everything that came out of his mouth was shit, and he was just saying everything I wanted to hear. Honesly I would leave. I would start to think about myself and my children and not worry about what he thinks. You have tons of support on here if you ever need anyone to talk to! Dont worry keep ya head up! Your strong!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:52 AM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • Umm, why would ur job try to make u have an abortion?? You could have planned this pregnancy and been happy and they would have still said that even if u told them it was planned? That would be like me planning a pregnancy and being excited and tell my family and they say u should have an aborton.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:43 AM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • Look. What you want to hear and need to hear right now are probably two poles apart. But here goes...

    I think you should first talk with him. Talk. Not yell or argue or acuse. Tell him what specific actions he takes and how they influence you. Maybe it turns out he is unhappy too and this abandoning you in the same house is a result of him just not knowing how to adress problems.

    We can love men for a lot of great qualities but maturity isn't always one of them.

    If talking fails, I think you have little choice but to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and move on. Talk it out on here, where you'll find help and not the judgement your family seems to be pressuring you with. And I understand not having money or visible options all over, but look... this won't be easy. If it were easy you wouldn't be agonizing right now. But your children deserve the best life you can give them. THE BEST you have to give.

    Answer by alitat at 12:46 PM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • thanks to you all <3

    Answer by ExenoRainbow at 9:36 AM on Mar. 10, 2009