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My stepdaughter always has to be the center of attention, and does no wrong in my husbands eyes. She is 21 and wants to be treated like she is 14. She lives at home and does very little. How can I make my husband see this is not normal?

I married my husband when my stepdaughter was eight and she has always been this way. I learned to keep my mouth shut because it just caused problems between my husband and I. I have 2 other girls (biological) and my stepdaughter seems to have some jelousy issues with my 14 year old and is constantly trying to get her into trouble. The girls relationship is not good because my stepdaughter literally thinks if something is not about her it's not as important than if it were. I love her, but I dont like her. I spent too many years not sticking up for myself and my other girls and now i'm afraid i'm going to blowup!! How can I make my husband see this is not right, it is not normal to treat this one child like she's the greatest and not the other ones?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:18 PM on Mar. 8, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (11)
  • He is not doing her any favors! The rest of the world is not going to bend over backwards to keep her happy. He needs to make her grow up and accept responsibility.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:43 PM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • Get her on her own. My husband had the same problem and the best thing I did was to help her find her own apartment. You are not going to change him or her. Just help her move out, even if it means paying her rent for a few months.
    225mom

    Answer by 225mom at 6:30 PM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • You helped create that monster so don't start whining about it now.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:20 PM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • I would bluntly say to her "IT'S TIME TO GROW UP!"Because she is an adult she should be given a ultimatium either shape up or ship out.Since your husband doesn't really give a s@*t about his daughter,you will have to step up and be the man he isn't being.My best friend had this same problem with her husband and his daughter.She had one stronge advantage,the house was hers.She told him either you grow up and do something about your daughter or I will kick you out.
    Needless to say he got the message and he made his daughter move out.
    Jeffsmom87

    Answer by Jeffsmom87 at 1:10 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • I would probably take a softer approach....She was raised a certain way, and she has a certain temperment, and she isn't going to change into an entirely different person. What exactly are the one or two issues that you feel really NEED to be addressed? Just address those issues and try not to attack her character (or what you perceive as her lack of it!). Stepfamilies are never easy.....and the kids are the ones who have no choice. She is 21...so she could move out, but if you start pushing for that she might never do it! The last thing she needs is to feel pushed out of her home.
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 8:18 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • Ask him to look back and see what he was doing at her age,what tasks did he have at home. And when was he CUT OFF.
    lawla

    Answer by lawla at 9:52 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • She is an adult. Is she working or going to school? If not she should be. You did not give any details as to exactly what she is doing besides very little. We could tell you to give her some choices either go to school, get a job, with a time limit. But if you husband wont do this with you, I don't' think there is anything we could say to help you convince him.

    I agree with the poster who says in step families the kids have no choice. Normally it's the other way around. The original child gets ignored and the new family or kids get all the attention. This has been happening for so long I don't think there is anything you can do to change their behavior. You might just have to let this play out if you don't want to do anything drastic, like leave or something. I usually take the side of the stepchild in these situations because they did not create the situation, but are the victims.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:08 PM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • this is not your stepdaughters fault, this is how she has been raised. She knows no different. I see nothing wrong with her father adoring her. I do feel her dad needs to be fair with the other children.  

    mommiedear

    Answer by mommiedear at 5:16 PM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • I disagree with you mommiedear............at 21 you know right from wrong........she needs to grow up. It's rediculous to hear of a 21 year old trying to get a 14 year old in trouble. Perhaps she needs a job and needs to move out on her own.
    MISSNFSHNINFL

    Answer by MISSNFSHNINFL at 5:25 PM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • Lol.... Make her think living on her own is one of the best things ever and let her know that you and him will always bee there when shes out and out for a week or two ecplain to your hubby your thought and that theres other kids.
    Dallasmommie

    Answer by Dallasmommie at 7:53 AM on Apr. 28, 2009

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