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Don't really know what to do... Help.

The last couple weekends my SD7 has been staying here I've been going into the bathroom with her to help show her how to take a shower, (since BM said she needed help) But then I found out that BM has been teaching SD to clean "down there" by putting a big old clump of liquid soap on her finger and washing out up inside her... (this explains why she is always complaining it stings).. I told her not to wash that way but she faught with me saying Mommy and Grandma told her to wash that way and she has to wash that way... How do I explain to BM that she shouldn't wash that way because it creates horrible infections without sounding like I'm trying to take on the "Mommy Role"? She has already accoused me of trying by trying to get christmas pictures taken.. And I don't want to step on any toes. But I know this could hurt SD too... Any advice ladies?

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Asked by KateInTheSurf at 4:34 PM on Mar. 8, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (12)
  • I think I'd have dad do the talking here, and maybe get something in writing from the ped ahead of time, if possible.

    Answer by BlueFrogMama at 4:36 PM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • DH doesn't want to have anything to do with this subject. He says its a female things and he doesn't know anything about it and would rather me do it.. Because it's a "girl thing"

    Answer by KateInTheSurf at 4:38 PM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • ouch, that is hard. Could you maybe text/e-mail her that you noticed that DS does ..... when she washes and that you are concerned about possible infections etc. if she continues to wash like this and ask BM to give you suggestions on what to do/how to approach this with DD.
    Maybe if you act as if you didn't know this is exactly what bm told her to do....
    you could even stick in past dr. conversations, articles you've read etc.etc.etc.

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 6:24 PM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • Are you on friendly terms with the bm? Tell her that you saw how she cleaned up down there and you were wondering how you should explain to her how to properly wipe herself. Say you don't want to embaress your sd, but you also would hate her to get some kind infection.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:44 PM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • I would start by kinda pushing aside the fact that she told you her mother told her to do it.

    Open the conversation by telling BM "Hey I noticed that SD cleans INSIDE with soap, and I was wondering how best to broach this problem with her, because I don't want to step in on your territory"

    Make up a story about a doctor visit or something where you learned that the vagina was a self cleaning organ/washing that way causes infections... Make it as if you had the same problem, so that the mother doesn't think you're calling her stupid.

    Answer by catwalksymphony at 9:10 PM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • this is not something that you or dad should sit back about. little dear NEEDS to know if could really hurt her. And dad saying it's a girl thing is just bull. This is his little girl and that makes it ALL of his business. Unless he doesn't care if she gets hurt.. If you can't talk to them...then it is a child services issue. I hope it doesn't come to that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:26 PM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • okay as a step mom, this is not that hard of a place to be in like people think it is. one, explain to your SD that the reason it is stinging or hurting is because she is washing this way. tell her that mommy and grandma probably didnt mean for her to put all that soap up there.

    also, to bridge the gap with mommy, talk to BM, tell her that she has complained of the stinging and irritation and that since she has been showering at your house, it has come to your attention that she is washing in this way. tell BM that your doctor has told you and you have always been told that washing in this fashion causes infections and that is why SD is getting irritated and its stinging.

    when you tell BM that SD needs to stop putting the soap up there like that, dont tell her that your SD told you that BM told her to do it that way. just pretend that you dont know that. and act like you are just being helpful and looking out for SD.

    Answer by aly38914290 at 12:03 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • also, anon. this is def. a subject that is hard for daddy's. its something that if dads can have a woman take care of it they do. sd's BM would flip if daddy told her how to teach SD how to clean herself. she about flipped when we mentioned the bra she was like i will take care of the girl stuff and he can take care of the boy stuff. she didnt even want to deal with our SS getting hard. (he is almost 5 so this is a newer thing for both SS and her to deal with. lol. she is so uncomfortable about him growing up, it makes me laugh)

    Answer by aly38914290 at 12:07 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • I totally agree that you need to talk to BM personally and if she will not listen then you take her to a pediatrician and then get him/her to explain. But make sure that your hubby goes too. either that or both you and the BM go together. I don't see why your hubby wouldn't want to be involved with this though. it is his daughter, not to be confused with some random female. men are funny sometimes.

    Answer by NinaNB at 12:29 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • I agree with the above posters, and go one step further. We don't know how long she has been cleaning like this and if BM cleaned her like this also. (Though I highly doubt it. I bet she is confused.) I would worry that she may have an infection already.

    Answer by SusieD250 at 8:11 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

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