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The age old question: What to do or say when you find out your child is having sex?

So now I know. He had been going over the limit in his texting and yesterday I innocently picked up his phone thinking I could tell how many text he had done lately. When I hit the messages box, I found comments obviously pertaining to sex that he had sent to his high school girlfriend.

So yesterday was a long day. He is my youngest and we normally have some pretty honest conversations, however, after being confronted he willingly gave me more information than I really expected. He told me when and where and that he was using condoms and she on birth control. He informed me that he was coming home from school, calling me to check in and then sneaking out to meet at the local park to have sex before I got home.

He's 18, she's 17. She told her mom this morning. I just had a conversation with both of them about how a pregnancy could change everything and it went relatively well. Now what?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:27 PM on Mar. 8, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (21)
  • I think you handled everything perfectly so far. There isn't much more that I can think of, but I haven't been put in your place yet either. Hopefully some mom's of older kids can help out a bit. But I wish my mom had the nerve and I the trust in her to have an honest conversation about it. Good job!
    AK_aries

    Answer by AK_aries at 6:32 PM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • Trust them. Let your son know that if either of them have questions or problems, they can come to you for answers and help. Invite her to dinner now and then.
    kaycee14

    Answer by kaycee14 at 6:33 PM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • I don't understand why you are just getting around to this... Sex is natural and if they waited this long you should just be happy. But all that should have been something that was talked about from little up. Honestly I highly doubt my kids will wait that long. I know I sure as hell didn't and don't wxpect them to. That's not something I see as important. What I do see as important is that they understand the importance of protection. And at this point all you can really do is stress that point. Make sure they have access to protection and make sure they know that they can come to you. An open and honest relationship is always best.
    Good Luck!
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 6:36 PM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • Whewwwiii I think this is the week of werewolf kids!!!! So many are fooling around so young!!! I have a 16yo, a 21 yo and an almost 25 y o. So you've found out, take a deep breath. Good for you for being able to talk to both of them. I'd periodically put condoms in his under wear drawer with a package of spermicide gel too. Pills can be forgotten. At least a condom and a gel combined are a good defense in case of unused pills. Did you say the act wasn't bad but the age was? That's what I told my son, my oldest at age 18. I'm not a grandmother by him or either of the others so I did something right by my son's opinion seven years later.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:40 PM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • oh I'm not sure that op didn't talk at all to her son about sex. Rather that she's just found out that he's active. it's a heartache when it's at a young age like with my son too. I did have talks with mine ahead of time. She'd been on the pill for some time before I found out. But with your son being your youngest why is it such an upset. My oldest was the toughest for me. I've been prepared with my other two even more than with my oldest.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:44 PM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • Whoa anon 9:19 pm,I believe you have unresolved issues.I don't agree that the autthor is an embarrassment to mothers of adult childern.When my son was 16yrs old I found out by him just being totally honest with me one day.That he didn't keep his promise to be a virgine until he was married.I told him I was dissapointment in him,but still love him.Also he told me he always uses condoms.I asked him if he ever did it at my house.He said" That would be disrespectful to you Mom."He is now 21yrs old and is going to get married.Not to the young woman whom he lost his virginity to.
    Jeffsmom87

    Answer by Jeffsmom87 at 1:05 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • time too back off mom he is 18 there for an adult time for him too figure things out on his own and when it comes too this its something you can not be there too watch out for he needs too learn that actions do have reactions at least he and her are both being careful with this and you did let them know how you felt now its just up too them too figure out what they feel is right for them and yes even though they using condoms and birth control there is still that small chance that something could happen so let them also know that too
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:55 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • we can't control everything but at least they are protected.
    lawla

    Answer by lawla at 9:51 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • I am the OP. First, thank you to the mature and respectful women who have given their opinions. I am the mother of three and my oldest is nearly 30 so my children and I HAVE been having this conversation for a very long time. I think the hardest reality in the sexually active arena was with my oldest but that played out badly, and was a life experience that I have learned from. My youngest has reaped the benefits of the experiences the first two have given me. I jokingly tell my oldest they were the "guinea pig" for what how I react now.

    He is 18 but he still in high school so regardless of his hormone level, or IQ, he is still learning how to muddle through this life, and I am still his mother and will help direct him. I am amazed myself that I am resolved with this already 48 hours later.

    As for the pathetic nasty post. You don't know me, my husband or my children and obviously have issues and NO clue.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:46 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • You don't really have any control over this situation because he's a young adult now. All you can really do is hope that nothing bad happens. At least he was honest with you though and told you the truth instead of lying to you. So you shouldn't worry so much because you obviously raised him well if he's using protection. He was probably just uncomfortable talking to you about it because he's your baby yet and didn't want you to freak out that he is sexually active now. Good luck!
    Native_Mommy253

    Answer by Native_Mommy253 at 1:39 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

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