Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Should I even try anymore?

We got together June '99. Had first child in May '00. Married June '01. Separated Oct '01. Got back together Feb. '02. Had second child Sept. '02. Separated July '06. Divorced Nov. '06. Got back together Feb. '07. Separated Nov. '08. We're seeing each other again, but are living apart. I have custody of our kids. We started a couples counseling program last week; our second appt. is tomorrow. We spent the weekend together without the kids and it was alright, but also served to reinforce all the things I don't like about him. We have completely different lifestyles. He's the partying type; I'm the stay-at-home type. He lies to me all the time (because he's afraid I'll react negatively to the truth and we'll fight). He got way drunk at a party Fri. night after playing a show with his band. He left me with a group of strangers while he went off and got high. Sat. night was better, but it was his band playing again...

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:00 PM on Mar. 8, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Judging by the amount of times that you have seperated and gotten back together, it sounds like you're better off NOT together. The back and forth isn't good for the kids, and any man who is willing to choose partying over spending time with his family, and leaving his wife with strangers, isn't a man at all. Honey, you're better off without him.
    crdc91506

    Answer by crdc91506 at 9:04 PM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • if you think its worth it, its worth it. Otherwise, you're too good for him :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:05 PM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • You can try counseling another time or two, but it doesn't look hopeful. Are you able to visualize your life without him? For sure don't have any more children with him at this time. It looks to me as though you need to move on with your life.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:08 PM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • Its one of those things that you are probably having a hard time letting go of because you REALLY want it to work. But the truth is that your probably better off without him. Then again, if hes willing to go to the counseling, hes trying. It sounds like he has some bad habits. Maybe you could bring them up in the next appt. But if things dont get better soon, i'd just call it quits.
    JmgBlair

    Answer by JmgBlair at 9:17 PM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • hes a jerk. follow your gut. dump him. u can do soooo much better.
    emily1234

    Answer by emily1234 at 9:39 PM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • Men don't change for one.. the faster you realize that, the faster you can think about what you really want out of a guy. Sit down and write down everything you NEED in a man.. then make a list of things you like and dislike of your SO.... if you aren't getting what you need, it's time to move on. However you may be able to keep a friendly relationship with him without it being sexual. It would benefit the children that way. I would continue the counseling, and reflect back on what you always wanted in a man.. if you keep holding on to him and you know he's not giving you what you need.. you may miss out on meeting that right man that will.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 10:07 PM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • Look at your post. History proves that relationship is NOT a successful one. There are so many other men out there who might be right for you yet you continue to waste your time on him. Why? Because he's familiar. Even your tone in the post reflects your reluctance to believe this is the right thing for you. Do both of you a favor and cut the dude loose. You can still be connected bc of the kids but for goodness sakes find your happiness.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:56 PM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • In ten years he hasn't changed. HE'S NOT GOING TO.

    Period. End of that discussion.

    Ten years have already been blown...move on!
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:20 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • You need stablility in your life and a good man .He does not sound like the perfect family man.He is not good .Why would you want to stay with a man who drinks,parties,get high and probably goes out with other woman.My husband would never do that if he goes out he goes out with me or our family and comes home to me and only me.I know because he is my best friend .You need to leave that man he is no good.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:13 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.