Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How do you know when it is time to end a relationship?

I have been married for 18 years. Six years ago my husband had an affair and I don't think I have gotten over this yet. I think I stayed with him for the kids (who are grown now) but maybe it was just my low self esteem at the time. Now I resent being with him, and I don't understand. I am thinking if I stayed with him this long maybe I am just over-reacting but I am considering divorce and soon. Please help

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:24 PM on Mar. 8, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • I would really think about it before you jump the gun here...If you've been with him for 18 years, that's a pretty long time to be with one person. Are you sure it's the affair that has you contemplating divorce?...or is it something else?....If it is just the affair, I would talk to him about couples therapy so that you can learn to let go of the past and move on from the hurt and deception, and all that goes along with an affair. See what he thinks about therapy, and if he's willing to work on it...If not, you should get therapy for yourself at least...Cause I know what holding onto the pain of your past can do......

    Good Luck!

    Answer by gogogirl79 at 9:34 PM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • Well if you are ffeling this way after so long and your not happy then getting a divorce might be the best thing,your kids are grown so you dont have to stay just to raise them.making a fresh start for yourself will help to raise your self esteem and make you feel good about yourself let you know that you can accomplish anything.good luck.

    Answer by geenabelle at 9:34 PM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • If you asking this question.. then I think you already know the answer. Most women when they are just mad or venting say things like "why do I put up with that" or "he makes me so mad"...
    but when a woman asks,"when is it time to end a relationship"... that's normally when a woman has just had enough, and wants it over, but isn't sure how to go about it without hurting too many people, herself included. So your next question at this point should be.. how do you do this? Are you financially able to do this? Where are you going to move to? things like this. PM me if you wish to talk more.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 10:10 PM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • Ending a marriage isn't ending a relationship. You are breaking your word. It's different. I think what you are dealing with right now is resentment towards yourself for letting him treat you badly, in essence, that he got away with it.

    I doubt you dealt honestly with the issue at hand, and instead buried yourself in your life and your kids, basically ignoring the proverbial elephant in the living room. Well the kids are gone now, and guess what? The anger isn't.

    The two of you need to seek counseling- separately and together. You have issues that need to be dealt with, and so does he. At the end, you may choose to part ways, but you may rediscover the man you loved.

    Either way, you'll have made an EDUCATED decision.

    Answer by lovinangels at 10:35 PM on Mar. 8, 2009

  • Six years is a long timer to harbor anger. Personally I never got over my x cheating and I divorced him. I've never regretted it. I'm now "me" again and not an extension of him. I have freedom to do whatever I want whenever I want and with whom I wish. Life is so much better without an albatross around my neck. (him being the albatross). My kids are grown. I'm the happiest I've ever been as an adult. Try a separation if you want to test the waters but don't stay somewhere you are miserable when life has so much to offer

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:54 PM on Mar. 8, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.