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Help! My daughter is having issues...more inside.

She is 9, almost 10. She cries almost every night. She is happy during the day, then at night she completely falls apart. She is "thinking". About everything. Death, life, growing up, if she will have the life she is supposed to...I am being really supportive, because I was just the same as her, but my mom got through it by ignoring me. I needed support from my mom. I can remember wanting my mom to ask why I was crying. I wanted her to care. So...here I am trying to support my baby. Any suggestions as to why or how to deal with this? I want to help her!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:15 AM on Mar. 9, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • i went thru that when i was around that age..all i ever wanted was someone to come to my room and ask me why i was crying, and just to hold me and tell me everything was gonna be ok..its not so much about the talking..its about the reassurance of everything!! and being there to listen if need be..and just to understand.
    alexis_06

    Answer by alexis_06 at 2:23 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • I think you are off to a good start by showing her that you are concerned. Perhaps you should listen and ask her how she would like for you to help her or if there is anything that you can do. Perhaps she just needs reassurance that her life will be okay.
    actress

    Answer by actress at 2:20 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • My SD was like this from 11-13 or so, still she has a few nights once in a while - she'd freak out about when her Dad will die, when I will die, will she be alone? She'd worry about her friends', her teachers, and the stranger she met the other day. She'd stress about her career, college and debt. It was insane. Her period started like the month before 13, and its been a bit over a year and things seem to start leveling off...perhaps there is a hormonol component.

    Comforting her was exhausting, DH and I had to take turns, and we both offered different perspectives, I would reccomend this if it is an option for you. From Dad or grandma or whoever else can encourage her - a big support group is good.
    Praying

    Answer by Praying at 3:03 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • Its a bit of anxiety, which is common in adolescence.  I experienced the same anxiety at that age and I still do from time to time.  There's no reasoning with it because even though the concerns are valid (death, future, etc.) the fear is irrational.  The best way to treat it that I've found is distraction.  Mine comes in the middle of the night as well and my husband used to take me out and drive me down the main street - I don't know why, but seeing other people just out and about always cont'd below

    MommyAddie

    Answer by MommyAddie at 7:15 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • helped me calm down. Now that we have children, we obviously can't leave the house in the middle of the night so I try to spend a few minutes watching something silly and lighthearted on TV. When my husband and I first moved to our new home I had anxiety almost every night, but it lessened as i got used to the house. So, another thing to think about is has there been any big changes in her life? Just try to calm her down when it happens and as she learns what coping techniques work for her she won't be so scared, she'll just deal with. I bet she'll grow out of it not long after she learns to cope. Good luck.
    MommyAddie

    Answer by MommyAddie at 7:19 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • She continues to do this "all the time" because she has found that she gets support from you and you show concern. You are providing her positive reinforcement for a behavior. She is 9. How concerned can she really be? Don't spend too much time with her on this. She needs to be redirected and not keep you in turmoil over something that usually isn't really real. At some point, you have to tell her that all is well and then not engage the "worry" talk. Talk her about her present day dreams and not the future more than 2 years away for a while. Then, go back to long range planning at a later date.
    jesse123456

    Answer by jesse123456 at 1:20 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • Jesse,
    She continues to do this because I have been very ill and am facing a serious illness. Her grandfather and dog just died. I understand her need for compassion. This isn't simply a behaviour issue. She is afraid.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:46 PM on Mar. 29, 2009