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How does everyone feel about co sleeping with a 9 and 12 year old?

OK, my boyfriend and I of 4 years have a wonderful 19 month old son together. We have never lived together because we are 30 miles apart. Our "surprise" wasn't going to force older children to relocate to another town. I am still breastfeeding at times and our baby hasn't spent the night alone at Daddy's home for that reason, AND for the fact he has primary custody of 4 older sons from his marriage. He feels NOTHING wrong with the fact his soon to be 9 year old and soon to be 12 year old STILL SLEEP WITH HIM when they are there. I say no way to our baby sleeping in the midst of THAT!!!! We argue about this non-stop. His soon to be 13 year old son just stopped sleeping with them all a few months ago. When we argue, he threatens to take me to family court. I say BRING IT ON. What judge in their right mind would MAKE ME let our baby sleep in that situation!!!! I need advice and others views on this ASAP!! Thank you!

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Karen_ddkg

Asked by Karen_ddkg at 9:34 AM on Mar. 9, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (71)
  • they are to big to be sleeping with him i dont blame you
    wendy232425

    Answer by wendy232425 at 9:36 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • My 8 yr old sleeps with me when hes at my house visiting. I have found that at that age they need alot of reassurance. I went through the fighting him to go to his bed, and he has a nice bunk set with a slide and everything, but it doesnt work. I dont know what to tellyou but you can try to go to court and have a stipulation in place but it doesnt mean he is going to follow it even if its on paper. I mean thats a peice of paper and wont stop him from parenting the way he feels is right.; If the child isnt in any danger, theres no abuse, or what not I honestly dontknow if theres anything you can do?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:37 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • I think you are in the wrong. Of course I believe in the Family bed and slept with my nine year old daughter last night. My boys don't want to sleep with me though, they like thier own beds. LOL...dd just needs mommy. (Dad works graveyard tho')
    SusieD250

    Answer by SusieD250 at 9:37 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • So your still dating this guy =/.....either way thats to damn old to be sleeping with your father....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:41 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • our 19 month old sleeps with me every night. But a 9 and 12 year old? WHERE will this toddler fit? My b/f KNOWS that the 9 year old thrashes and throws fists and elbows in the night. Thats healthy and a SAFE place to sleep? So Susie, its great that your one child that sleeps with you WORKS for you. That wasn't MY QUESTION. So your response is useless to me. I want to know if a JUDGE would think its ok to throw a toddler in the mix of that crap!!!
    Karen_ddkg

    Answer by Karen_ddkg at 9:41 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • Yes still dating... barely.. I am standing my ground. I can't imagine any court system would approve of the putting a toddler amongst two "tweens" and their daddy as a safe place to sleep. He can take me to court.
    Karen_ddkg

    Answer by Karen_ddkg at 9:45 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • I think as a parent and trying to teach independence and self confidence children need to learn to sleep on their own... I don't know what the laws are but a 9 and 12 yr old sleeping with the father is wrong on so many levels. I would call your local CPS, just ask them if there are any laws against it and if so then tell them when he has the children and ask that they investigate it... As for custody, you should consult an attorney.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:46 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • Well thats a thought, just to see if its tolerated in CPS's view. I certainly don't want to turn him in or anything. Also, we aren't fighting for custody or anything, and he agrees to that. Just overnights with Daddy. He won't say that he WON'T make the older ones sleep elsewhere. I just think it isn't safe for our baby. Thanks for your reply. I just wanted to make sure that I am not the one in the wrong.
    Karen_ddkg

    Answer by Karen_ddkg at 9:53 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • I only co sleep with my 13 month old daughter at morning nap time because I need a nap then too. I wouldn't want my 16 month old sleeping in that bed, strictly for safety reasons. I mean, if the split between the parents was particularly messy, they may need that security. I think that it should be their choice, not his, as to how long they stay though. I mean if they decide they are ready to get out of dad's bed, he needs to let them. I guess I don't really like it, but I don't think its a bad environment. There isn't much that could be done I don't think. I do think however, that by this age, they should be able to sleep on their own. There should be no fighting or bribing. My SS is 7, handling a lot of stuff emotionally, but he has been sleeping on his own without fighting it since he was about 3. I am just torn on the issue. There are a lot of facets to explore that I don't know enough about.
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 10:04 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • IMO children shouldn't ever sleep in their parent's bed unless they are really sick and you need to keep an eye on them.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 10:12 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

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