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Having issues with my 13yr old daughter. Letting a BOY kiss her in school (Catholic school) which resulted in inschool suspension. He asked her for a hug goodbye and she says Yes then he swooped in and gave a kiss on the lips. Help, What is the right action to be taken? So far been grounded for 5wks, no cell, friend or computer.

It all started in November when I heard of a boy (casanova) trying to take over my daughter. When asked she has lied to me, used well over her minutes. Lets try over 800min some months talking. We share 1500 between 3 people. She doesnt get TEXT all you want its free. Secretly writing and minimizing her aim screen. He has written me her mother a 3 page letter. Then to find out him and another boy took bets on who would kiss my daughter and another first. What jerks.. My daughter is such a pleaser and doesnt see what us adults see. I have stresses to the teachers by no means are they to sit by one another or speak. This kid kissed her a few times in school. In a school of K thru 8. A catholic school Very small tight knit. My 6 yr old sees and hears things as does my 7yr old. I just dont feel that my 13 yr old needs a boyfriend. She was a constant tx-computer phone user. Not here for us , Her Family.

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mums3grls

Asked by mums3grls at 9:45 AM on Mar. 9, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (12)
  • **shrug** I'm sorry, I can't say I see horrible things here in anything but the overuse of the minutes. A boy stealing a kiss goes in my "no big deal" folder....I remember seeing far worse in school. (And I hate to tell you this but the Catholic school girls tended to be the WORST as far as being "loose." The tighter the nuns clamped down, the worse the girls seemed to be. I know that's a stereotype but stereotypes and cliches tend to be based in reality.)

    Take her cell phone away. Sit down with her and tell her why you are concerned about what she's doing. Just saying "no" won't do a darned thing because it means nothing to her.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 9:58 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • She's been grounded for 5 weeks already??You're making that child miserable - 5 weeks (grounded from EVERYTHING) for kissing a boy? That seems a little harsh. Kissing in school is not a good thing, and rules are rules, but the punishment should fit the crime. This girl is not going to tell you anything, ever, if she already sees that you're going to go overboard over even the small stuff.
    Case in point.... our cousins have a 13 year old girl.... they keep her right under thumb all the time..... problem is..... for every 10 seconds she is not in their sight..... she's RUNNING to get into the nearest spot of trouble she can see.They are not keeping her in line... they are making everything forbidden fruit to her, and she's sampling every fruit nectar every time they even blink for a second. I'm sorry, but they are not making her a good girl... she's becoming easy right under their noses.
    PaceMyself

    Answer by PaceMyself at 10:03 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • I agree with the first answer...aside from the phone minutes, I really don't see the big deal. You say she let him kiss her, but then you say he steals the kisses. There is a difference, and if he is stealing kisses, there's not much she could do to stop him. Yes, she can tell someone if she doesn't like it, but she's a girl, he's a boy, and I'm going to assume she likes him, therefore probably likes the kisses. They're in school, so they can't go past a kiss. No, she shouldn't be doing it. Punish her appropriately, take away the phone. Tell her if she gets suspended for it again, she'll have to...I don't know, clean the whole house while she's out on suspension. Grounding her for 5 weeks is overboard.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 10:11 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • I"m not a mother of a teen, but remember being that age very well. And 13 is the normal age for the first kiss. You will most likely not ever approve of the boys, until she is in her late teens. And remember, like the other said, if you are a helicopter mom it will be more destructive in the long run. I can also tell you from memory that your kids are going to go their own way at some point, no matter how tight the leashes are.....I found ways, lived and learned and grew up to be a successful adult and a wonderful daughter and friend with both my parents. You should try to set more realistic boundaries and rules for you kids, so they don't begin to lie and be afraid to come to you when something is wrong. I don't look forward to being a mother of a teen, I will be well into my late 40s by then and old and tired LOL but realize what they go through is a natural progression in life. And they too need that.
    MissHeidi0304

    Answer by MissHeidi0304 at 10:27 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • Well, I think you need to sit down a talk with her about why its unacceptable to be doing that. Keep communication open with her, or she will shut you out (if she hasn't already) make some rules and stick to them, and make dicipline for breaking the rules short and to the point. No need really to carry it out over a whole month. Make sure you praise her for the things she does that are good too (she'll keep that up) Good luck!
    jeana

    Answer by jeana at 11:07 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • telling a teen "no" is never the answer. i have a 16 year old step daughter and i tell her that i know that she is going to do what she is going to do, but there is a time and a place for everything. at school is not the place to have a kiss. if you try to stop them they are going to rebel even harder. if i were in your situation i would invite this boy to dinner so she sees that you understand that she guy friends. and also this may calm you down a bit and it will make her not want to be rebellious. i am sure that your daughter knows what is right and wrong and at the same time she has all these emotions going threw her. just give her a chance to make smart decisions. and the whole cell phone thing, i would set her down and tell her you ran the bill up so what are you going to do about it. if you let a teen make decisions about how they care going to fix the problem they are more likely to think about the next mistake.

    twinsnseptember

    Answer by twinsnseptember at 12:14 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • Well I understand that you see her as your little girl, I have a 13 year old son and 3 weeks ago I found out he has a girlfriend and was not sure what to do. I was angry and sad, My husband and I agreed he could have a girlfriend at school, but no outside of school activities with her or alone time! He has been more open with us, as in regards to talking about her with us- I really do not want secrets between us or him feeling like he cannot tell us things because of over reacting. Just remember when you were that age, It was not that long ago-be understanding and give a little space to grown up.
    Goldenbrowny

    Answer by Goldenbrowny at 6:56 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • I can tell you from personal experience that over-grounding, which means more than a few days, is going to back-fire on you. Our niece was grounded for 6-weeks at a time (all year) for failing in junior high. (we were thrust into parent-hood after the death of her mother). I found out later that by not allowing her to do anything, that she snuck out and had sex with a boy, among other "I'll show you" kind of things. (PS-she was 12), Grounding for a month sends more the message, "I'm mad at you" than anything else. It doesn't give her any hope, because time passes slowly, and she'll get more frustrated. You do need to talk to her about boys, hormones, what your dreams for her are, what are her dreams, etc. AND if she is still grounded now, I would apologize and tell her that I over-reacted and I want to hear her point of view. The cell phone would be gone, that's just a natural consequence of irresponsibility.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:41 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • What in the WORLD is wrong with some of you mothers!

    Quote " he stole a kiss", 5 months is too long", blah blah blah..

    OMG! ladies wake up.... She is a baby, she is 13 years old...

    Next thing you know she will not be a virgin, secretly doing things behind her parents back, or maybe bearing a child at a young age..

    That the HONEST truth..

    Some of you mother's give your children to MUCH lead way...

    Yes, your daugther should be punish No! 5 months is not to long, She needs all her rights taking away, no phone, tv, radio, going, out, friends over, NOTHING....

    She is to young to kiss a boy! You are not wrong at all.

    Now a days childrens get out of hand because of the lack of a parent attetion.. You are doing the right thing.

    You doing all of the abvove because you care.. Dont worry about her feelings.. She will get over it. Next time she will think the next time before kis
    Elizabeth1837

    Answer by Elizabeth1837 at 8:52 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • Also, yes her homones are changing.. But she have to learn how to contol them....

    Remember you as the mother will have to deal with the consequences...

    The boy will be along his way, while your daugher is in trouble ( you know what I mean).

    We want the best for our children...

    Esp our girls because they are such easy targets.

    A boy can say whatever to get into a girl paints.. afterwards the boy moves on while the girl regrets her decision..

    You are doing to right thing! stay on her!
    Elizabeth1837

    Answer by Elizabeth1837 at 8:55 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

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