Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Should i persue stepparent adoption

My DD father has never been a part of her life even when we all live together. Then he disapeared of the good part of a year when she was about 9months. He's gotten a couple drug charges and drinks alot and wrecked his car and almost died. Then he sang the song of I've Changed. So i gave him the benifet of doubt and started driving my daughter to see him every Sunday (he'd call Friday tell me a time and I'd bring her Sunday) he lives 25-30 miles away. That has been going on a month or so. But when i pick her up she's in the same diaper i dropped her off in. But now in his typical fashion he's stopped calling and on a few time he wasn't at his parents at the time we setup and calls after I'm already back home and I tell him no i'm not driving back. Also he agreed starting Feb1 to start paying support for the first time ever. Now to weeks in a row no call. I am now married and my husband wants to adopt her. He works two jobs to

 
amommy2a2yrold

Asked by amommy2a2yrold at 9:52 AM on Mar. 9, 2009 in Adoption

Level 8 (241 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • If it were me, and my current dh wanted to adopt, by all means I would persue it, especially if bioparent is not stable.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:57 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • support us and loves her very much. We both want what's best for her. I just found out in my state if the biological father doesn't contact DD in 6 months then i can get an adoption with out his permison and then only reason he's stays in contact now is because i hunt him down. What should i do i think his inconsistency is hurt and confusing her. And she deserves someone that wants her for more than to be cool with his gangsta buddy's what should i do?
    amommy2a2yrold

    Answer by amommy2a2yrold at 9:56 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • I would consult an attorney... You won't get any support for her if an adoption takes place. There can't be ANY contact between you and him, or with your child, they will investigate it. And you have to be sure that the man you're with now wants to commit to being a stable father to your child... It's a huge commitment. My hubby and I have talked about him adopting my son but we have also come to the realization it was more for us then my son... I want him to grow up and figure out what kind of person his biodad is, he hasn't seen or heard from his biodad for 7 yrs, by my ex's choice , not ours... I'm not letting him off the hook, he can pay the support and go on about his life, but he will always have it in the back of his mind... I want his conscience to get the better of him... Every time he makes that payment I want him to think about his son...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:06 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • We were going to do the same thing with my SS. I was going to legally adopt him. However, when she somehow caught wind of that, she came back into his life and petitioned for custody. She had been gone for 11 months, no contact whatsoever. Then she came back and got weekly visitation which turned into once every other or once every three weeks. She saw him for 2 hours on Sundays, but maybe twice a month in a good month. THen she stopped for about 3 months. SO we talked about it again and consulted an attorney. At that point there was nothing we could do because she hadn't been out of his life long enough consistently with the exception of the 11 month absence to relinquish her rights by default. SO she now has two overnights a week, which are hell on everyone. Be prepared for a fight, and know that you may not be able to get his custody taken away.
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 10:17 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • I would not contact the father and let him go if he wants to go. She can call her step dad "dad" if she wants and he will be her father, but I wouldn't let someone adopt my daughter. you just never know what can happen. I have a friend that adopted his step children and he loves them dearly. It was probably best for the children. He and his wife were together about 10 yrs. The kids are now in middle school/ high school and she had an affair and he is paying support for the kids. I know he wants to see them, but on the other hand she couldn't keep him from seeing them. He has them more ofthe time than she does, because he is legally their father. Maybe I was just burned too bad and I don't trust enough, but I don't ever want anyone to be able to take my daughter if I don't want them too so I wouldn't let someone adopt.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 10:38 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • The problem with just letting him go is that he'll pop up some time and want to see her. Also neither of us have formal custody from our state because we weren't married when she was born but he is on he Birth certificate. And i worry one day if he gets his stuff together (to little to late) Then he could fight to make her part of his life.
    amommy2a2yrold

    Answer by amommy2a2yrold at 10:48 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • Don't contact him for six months. Document everything Including that same diaper thing (yuck). If he pays child support great, if he doesn't it goes in the documentation. If he calls and wants to see her fine, if not don't hunt him down. Don't breathe a word of this to anyone until you can offically file. Just curious, can you remove his parental rights without a replacement dad to adopt? I'm thinking he won't "get it" if you just remove his parental rights. But if you say another man is gonna adopt his baby he may react on a more emotional level. Seems like it would be "safer" as a two step process.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:16 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • yes i would. i just wish my baby's dad would agree to it. not likely though. good luck.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 9:05 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • You're lucky, its a year here. :sigh:

    Praying

    Answer by Praying at 10:34 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • My Baby's daddy won't agree to it either but he's a bad influence One mistake on my part (ever being with him) and my daughter is screwed That's why Ive tried to find this loop hole i need to contact an attorney
    amommy2a2yrold

    Answer by amommy2a2yrold at 10:34 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN